= LifE Of a GaL =

sighz.

it is friday. i haven't finish studying.

after watching da chang jin for some time, and this period... makes me think of something.

why is it such a chore studying?

this may sound like some kindergarden question. lol.

i was thinking about how come i could do well in psle. how come i couldn't in o's and a's. could be that xiao shi liao liao, da wei bi jia.

perhaps it's true. perhaps it's another reason.

when i was young, i love to read. now i don't. yah i like to read hardy boys babysitters club, whatever crap. but i also like to read animal books. wants to find out more about stuff like which animal is where female lay eggs and male incubates the egg. like which animal runs the fastest. i will be amazed by plants, how carrots can be a root, and my mum will tell me all about them and how her family used to plant them for food. i will be so fascinated by the encycopedia (i can't be bothered to noe how to spell tt) that will tell me all about stuff around us, and i was so happy when my uncle gave me one on marine animals. i will just read for pleasure...

now i am here. thinking about how to finish reading my textbook before the exams. thinking why is the author so longwinded. thinking whether i will ever finish before the exams.

i realised, all these time, i have lost the passion to learn. i am interested of course, to read stuff i like to read about, but other stuff have become a chore. i have to force myself to open the book, read for a few hours to get a chapter read. sometimes, i get so bored, i play game, and i play till i dun want to get back to the book anymore. now, everytime i open a book, i will want to fall asleep. sometimes, i just wished that school can just end and holidays will prevail. no exams. but it's just a dream far far away. there's no such thing.

sometimes, i also feel very disgusted at other people, and also myself, why we ask teachers, "so in exam, what do we write? must we include this?" life is not an exam, we learn all these, not for exams, but for ourselves in future. but yet, we have to ask these questions. because we live in a world that depends on exams, depends on the As you get. we are 'forced' to be exam smart.

throughout this entire semester, i have seen a lot of things, heard a lot of things. some people really use underhand methods, not matter what they do, to get an A on their report card. i have seen, though i know, how complex this world is. how dark this world is. how sad this world is. and why such disgusting people exist. and everytime i think about this, i tell myself, not everyone is like that. there's always a bright side to things. i dunno what i have concluded on this, but i have decided to think simple and enjoy my bright side of the life before i go out into the 'real' world, whatever this real world is.

i guess, actually, i am saying all these crap now, cos i wanna escape from studying. and also cos i want to vent out my stress. seriously, i am also stressed to get As. cos accountancy is really very competitive. and the people around are all really scary. nobody wants a B. everyone wants an A.

actually, i also must agree with my friend that, yes, i did not work hard enough, and others did, so they got A and i got B. but still, i was quite sad when i heard that from my friend. why is it that i am always below others? why is it that people don't look up to me? and why do people treat me like shit in a project group? i am playful, i tolerated many things, but sometimes, all these accumulate inside me and when i am stressed like now, i will just vent it all out. perhaps pl is kinda right. i do like to bottle everything inside me.

haiz. i dunno. perhaps i am a little contradicting. what can we do? life is as such.