Restoring my comp. No not this. This is my bro's comp. Restoring my crappy comp cos cannot operate media player. No Music. I will die. Trying to restore it to a pt 2 yrs ago. pretty extreme, but no choice cos' I never made any restore pts. Or rather, my computer have no system restore function till I updated the computer recently. Funnily there was restore points 2 years ago. Dah. Think I sent it for servicing. LOL.
Argh, my comp seems stuck. Sianz. Comp sux like hell. I wan Windows XP! My comp put up a lot with it liao loh, cannot type Chinese, cannot read Chinese, Quite slow at times, lag like siao when I only open media player and a chat window. Now cannot open hotmail account directly. Can you believe I put up with all that. And sometimes going crazy, like cannot access Net. And a million adware is running. Totally. The graphics sux too. Oh yeah the system restore is done. Haha, scully go back to 2 years ago state. Dahdah. Heckz. As long as my media player can work.
ARH! Cannot be restored. Totally sux. No media player forever.......... WAH! Qi si le, I go install some other music applications. Dotz.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Design test today. Quite okie lah, though I never finish. Aiyah. Hopefully will pass loh, haha.
Scare me SMS came this morning at 6.50 a.m. from Sheryl saying there's no school fund allocated for POP. Waddahell, no funds? Die die exceed sia, Sheryl say exceed by 200 bucks plus. Sianz. Crazy. Nevermind trust her to settle with Mr Goh lah.
Dotz..... Today test le go suntec eat lunch then go see scholarship exhibition. So small, so little. Just went in case I could get a scholarship. Haha. In case. Good if I don't need to live off my Mum for university fees mah, then she can keep the money for herself and buy stuff she wants. Hrm, wait till I get 3 As then say.
Headache! Head not happy with me, pain on off one. Crazy head. Maybe I go rest it awhile (isn't it all I want to go and sleep, yeah?) Totally lame. Okie, since I said I can't commit for the JNCO Course today, I must make something of today, or else I letting Pia down huh. Study gal! STUDY! GO AND STUDY! Crazy me. Talking to myself. Woodbridge open house today.... (A joke only 3 pple know. or izzit a few. though I am not really sure how the joke goes.)
Scare me SMS came this morning at 6.50 a.m. from Sheryl saying there's no school fund allocated for POP. Waddahell, no funds? Die die exceed sia, Sheryl say exceed by 200 bucks plus. Sianz. Crazy. Nevermind trust her to settle with Mr Goh lah.
Dotz..... Today test le go suntec eat lunch then go see scholarship exhibition. So small, so little. Just went in case I could get a scholarship. Haha. In case. Good if I don't need to live off my Mum for university fees mah, then she can keep the money for herself and buy stuff she wants. Hrm, wait till I get 3 As then say.
Headache! Head not happy with me, pain on off one. Crazy head. Maybe I go rest it awhile (isn't it all I want to go and sleep, yeah?) Totally lame. Okie, since I said I can't commit for the JNCO Course today, I must make something of today, or else I letting Pia down huh. Study gal! STUDY! GO AND STUDY! Crazy me. Talking to myself. Woodbridge open house today.... (A joke only 3 pple know. or izzit a few. though I am not really sure how the joke goes.)
Friday, July 30, 2004
My bro's comp is so damn cool. Republished my blog in a few instants. Magical. Cool. My computer yest waited for 10 minutes and it was still at 0%. Haha. Dunno what's wrong with my comp nowadays. Cannot open hotmail accounts, cannot republish blogs.
Materialism is acting up! I want a new deuter backpack!!! SHould I ask my mum? I very scared cos 100+ bucks. Later she sure say wait till you get good results for A's.... (bah! I will have to wait longlong then haha)
Materialism is acting up! I want a new deuter backpack!!! SHould I ask my mum? I very scared cos 100+ bucks. Later she sure say wait till you get good results for A's.... (bah! I will have to wait longlong then haha)
Today was quite a slack day. Slack in a sense that I didn't really do much work. Flop in phy practical so sadz. Always passed my practs with nice colors. This time sure fail le, haha.
Deliberately banged that W woman's calculator on her table hard. Pissing me off with her crap attitude. Anyhow accuse my friends. She needs a beating up to wake her up. Thinks the world revolves around and her and she's perfect. Haha, so what if she improved in her running by heaps and improved in her studies? No improvement in attitude, will still fail in life. My aunt once told me that subjects you study and academic results are not as important as your attitude in society. EQ is much more important than IQ. I am a violent and evil person... *smiles evilly
Self reflection. My attitude sux too. Arh the revengeful attitude towards that woman, she deserve it that bitch. Wish she offend some gangsters and get a sack thrown over her head and beaten up. Maybe she need to learn it the hard way. Or will she ever learn? Back onto the topic of my attitude. Think I am turning a bit bad in terms of tone... speaking wise I like killing people sometimes. Remarks are also more hurtful I guess. Must control and be nice..... Haiz. Need to learn to be more girlly, like PN said. Sitting like a guy... walking like a guy(what the hell I don't agree with this, XYi said it.)... talking like a guy (this I admit myself one)... behaving like a guy. Argh. Other than I am sexually female, I am a guy in all areas. LOL.
Buay song feeling makes me wanna go train my running, and reduce fat like that woman. Haha, sometimes buay songness is good for health. Dah. Slimming still okie. Running mah, I never ran faster than 15:30 for 2.4km. Guess this time I will just aim for gold. I need 15:30 to be maintained lahz. Hrm. And I hate running. No practice for tt. Unless a treadmill comes into my house. Not possible one, haha, my parents never, never exercise. The most is cycling thing, which last time they bought and never use.
Now I see timothy's nick. Are Studies the Only Thing That Matters to Students? Waddahell. He's one of the crazy tutorial doers. Now is he talking about himself, his 'wife', or who? Lame.
Gotta do tutorials today. T-testing. Shocked me today that wenyuan is as lag in t-testing as me. Though I think he skipped and started Chi-square, and he's well versed in the next 2 chapters. Wow. I thought he's 'super' math student who will always finish long beforehand. Started 'nagging' beside me about how idiotic is James, though, which I found quite childish. Aiyah... total crap.
Design exercise test. SIANZ. Think I go bathe le then go buy dinner, then can come back and do tutorials and study for test. Lalala. fa xie finish abt that bitch damn shuang... Dah.
Haha, and for people who are thinking I am damn depressed or something, don't. If you are new to reading my journal, I like to vex out unhappy thoughts in my journal. The happy ones are kept for myself. Haha. That's my way of remaining optimistic about everything.
Lala, ap so busy with uni nowadays. Not much chance to lala her. Haha.
Deliberately banged that W woman's calculator on her table hard. Pissing me off with her crap attitude. Anyhow accuse my friends. She needs a beating up to wake her up. Thinks the world revolves around and her and she's perfect. Haha, so what if she improved in her running by heaps and improved in her studies? No improvement in attitude, will still fail in life. My aunt once told me that subjects you study and academic results are not as important as your attitude in society. EQ is much more important than IQ. I am a violent and evil person... *smiles evilly
Self reflection. My attitude sux too. Arh the revengeful attitude towards that woman, she deserve it that bitch. Wish she offend some gangsters and get a sack thrown over her head and beaten up. Maybe she need to learn it the hard way. Or will she ever learn? Back onto the topic of my attitude. Think I am turning a bit bad in terms of tone... speaking wise I like killing people sometimes. Remarks are also more hurtful I guess. Must control and be nice..... Haiz. Need to learn to be more girlly, like PN said. Sitting like a guy... walking like a guy(what the hell I don't agree with this, XYi said it.)... talking like a guy (this I admit myself one)... behaving like a guy. Argh. Other than I am sexually female, I am a guy in all areas. LOL.
Buay song feeling makes me wanna go train my running, and reduce fat like that woman. Haha, sometimes buay songness is good for health. Dah. Slimming still okie. Running mah, I never ran faster than 15:30 for 2.4km. Guess this time I will just aim for gold. I need 15:30 to be maintained lahz. Hrm. And I hate running. No practice for tt. Unless a treadmill comes into my house. Not possible one, haha, my parents never, never exercise. The most is cycling thing, which last time they bought and never use.
Now I see timothy's nick. Are Studies the Only Thing That Matters to Students? Waddahell. He's one of the crazy tutorial doers. Now is he talking about himself, his 'wife', or who? Lame.
Gotta do tutorials today. T-testing. Shocked me today that wenyuan is as lag in t-testing as me. Though I think he skipped and started Chi-square, and he's well versed in the next 2 chapters. Wow. I thought he's 'super' math student who will always finish long beforehand. Started 'nagging' beside me about how idiotic is James, though, which I found quite childish. Aiyah... total crap.
Design exercise test. SIANZ. Think I go bathe le then go buy dinner, then can come back and do tutorials and study for test. Lalala. fa xie finish abt that bitch damn shuang... Dah.
Haha, and for people who are thinking I am damn depressed or something, don't. If you are new to reading my journal, I like to vex out unhappy thoughts in my journal. The happy ones are kept for myself. Haha. That's my way of remaining optimistic about everything.
Lala, ap so busy with uni nowadays. Not much chance to lala her. Haha.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Yeah. Nice template, nice tag board. All thanks to my cutie adorable greateesst brother! Helped me with html stuff, I am so idiot. He sooooo nice, ooooooohhhh. blooooo, i luv blooooo. Everything is blooo.
I nv do anything the whole day. I was designing my template and my new planner book. A day of creativity!
Love my brother lots. muackz!
I nv do anything the whole day. I was designing my template and my new planner book. A day of creativity!
Love my brother lots. muackz!
Today I am not feeling right. More like, unhappy. Not as happy as I usually was. Stressed maybe. It just puts you off and pulls your heart down when everyone around is mugging like an idiot. Alright more like people who don't mug like me are idiots. Suddenly, like never before, I am scared, I am afraid. I am frightened by the scene of everyone mugging everywhere they go, every minute, every second, and every place. Never, never have I seen such 'horrible' mugging in the whole of my life. Not even in DHS. Everyone racing against time to do tutorials, everyone is at least 1 tutorial ahead of the teachers, and everyone seems to know how to do every question. And when you are not one of them who are always 1 tutorial ahead, or if you gets stuck at every other question, you will start to think you are abnormal, you are stupid.
When you look around you, you really wonder, are the people around you crazy, or you yourself is the one nuts in the head. It's okie to be on time for tutorials, in fact it's the right thing to do, but this competition is really scary. To me, it drives out the meaning in life. And really, I really wonder how much they absorb after rushing through the questions, though I am really not in the position to say so because many people are clever after all. Life is nutting but completing your tutorials and making sure that you are ahead of your friend by at least a few questions, or even a whole tutorial.
The whole idea of the competition and all the rushing makes me feel even more put off by the idea. I am disgusted. And what's more is the attitude of the math teacher in class today. He actually just asked the class, "What problems do you all have from Qn 1 to 7? If you have a problem raise it up." When Qn 1 to 7 isthe whole tutorial. Can you believe it, the tone in hsi voice, he gives me the feeling that he assumed everyone has done the whole tutorial and everyone is mugging on the next, and if everyone remains quiet like we usually does, he's going to say, "Okie, since there's no questions, we will move on to the next tutorial. Any questions from that tutorial?" So now teachers are also assuming and take it for granted that everyone in the hell are tutorials, note the s, ahead of time. Everyone is clever. Everyone can do every question. Nobody is in the middle of the tutorial he's talking about.
Scary. Why has education come to such a stage? Is JC life like that? I never dreamt of it this way, until I saw it for myself. The frightening state of education, the lost in meaning of school, and the crazy competition between students that makes you wonder, are they really learning, or are they just 'photocopying' what they had remembered from lecture notes into the sheets of tutorial paper. Many things I read, told me that school is a wonderful place, learning is a great process, but all these seems to be misfitting what I am seeing right now. Is it me, or is it really the case? This question remains a question to be challenged by many, yet agreed by some.
Enough thoughts. Now for some happy stuff. Or rather destressing stuff.
My wishlist. Whenever I feel down, I will have an urge to buy stuff. People who are reading it, don't mistake it as my birthday wishlist, cos' most of these stuff are ex, and well, for econs students, it's just the unlimited wants. Not needs, wants.
I am currently craving for a deuter backpack right now. Aircomfort, greyish navy blue, with grey, black and dull colors. If not deuter's green looked not bad. hrm, was wondering whether I should request for that instead of my birthday dinner with my family. But a little selfish, though it's been 4 years since I last bought a backpack, and my shayer one has it's water resistance layer peeling. Materialism.
Of cos I still want my deuter waist pouch. $33, navy blue greyish, or green. I have weird tastes, but no pink yikes. Blue is so common. Oh well, that can wait till before camp.
Nail accessories. Vanity. Wanted a bottle of 'anti biting' nail solution, wanted to kick the habit, but couldn't really. If I could, I would buy a bottle of 'nail growth enhancer' as well. Always wanted nice nails. Vain manz.
Photo Album, sticky... Why? Cos' mine is full and sadly I can't put the Nat Comp 2004 pics in. No preference, as long as it's nice on the outside.
Lip Balm. If I really really can find one that I am not allergic to. Wonders if neutrogena works, but no money to buy and try. Wait till next year if I get a job in the first half year.
If I ever get a job, I would want to shop for new blouses. My wardrobe, all the tops are: 2 button up blouses, t-shirts, sj t-shirts, school uniform. And all the bottoms are: jeans, jeans, jeans. 2-3 shorts, 2 'bermudas' I dunno what is it called, and around 2 3-quarters. Of course, not to forget, a skirt, the only skirt, and a crappy dress. (dun like to wear yikes, looks like apron.)
Shopping. For makeup. Cos' I have none. Still have to choose lipstick properly cos of allergic lips. Dah. I want my eyelashes to come up a little, it looks so sleepy. My eyebrows damn bushy, shud get it trimmed and hopefully looks better. Pierce my ears. And perhaps get contacts, dailies like egg suggested, monthly is soooo ex for me.
I am vain. I am vain. I am vain. I would streak my hair a little if not for being in SJ. So vain. Typical women. No one will believe what I just typed. Yes I am nuts.
Maybe I have said some stuff that some people may be unhappy about, oh well, I couldn't care less. Then you will see what I mean by I should have kept my journal real private.
I am nuts. So many things I want. Econs is true manz, Man have unlimited wants, limited resources. Now the most limited 'resource' is money. Haha. I am a spendthrift. I am vain.
Feel so much better typing wish list. Don't feel depressed anymore. Back to filing and planning for studies. Lalaa.
When you look around you, you really wonder, are the people around you crazy, or you yourself is the one nuts in the head. It's okie to be on time for tutorials, in fact it's the right thing to do, but this competition is really scary. To me, it drives out the meaning in life. And really, I really wonder how much they absorb after rushing through the questions, though I am really not in the position to say so because many people are clever after all. Life is nutting but completing your tutorials and making sure that you are ahead of your friend by at least a few questions, or even a whole tutorial.
The whole idea of the competition and all the rushing makes me feel even more put off by the idea. I am disgusted. And what's more is the attitude of the math teacher in class today. He actually just asked the class, "What problems do you all have from Qn 1 to 7? If you have a problem raise it up." When Qn 1 to 7 isthe whole tutorial. Can you believe it, the tone in hsi voice, he gives me the feeling that he assumed everyone has done the whole tutorial and everyone is mugging on the next, and if everyone remains quiet like we usually does, he's going to say, "Okie, since there's no questions, we will move on to the next tutorial. Any questions from that tutorial?" So now teachers are also assuming and take it for granted that everyone in the hell are tutorials, note the s, ahead of time. Everyone is clever. Everyone can do every question. Nobody is in the middle of the tutorial he's talking about.
Scary. Why has education come to such a stage? Is JC life like that? I never dreamt of it this way, until I saw it for myself. The frightening state of education, the lost in meaning of school, and the crazy competition between students that makes you wonder, are they really learning, or are they just 'photocopying' what they had remembered from lecture notes into the sheets of tutorial paper. Many things I read, told me that school is a wonderful place, learning is a great process, but all these seems to be misfitting what I am seeing right now. Is it me, or is it really the case? This question remains a question to be challenged by many, yet agreed by some.
Enough thoughts. Now for some happy stuff. Or rather destressing stuff.
My wishlist. Whenever I feel down, I will have an urge to buy stuff. People who are reading it, don't mistake it as my birthday wishlist, cos' most of these stuff are ex, and well, for econs students, it's just the unlimited wants. Not needs, wants.
I am currently craving for a deuter backpack right now. Aircomfort, greyish navy blue, with grey, black and dull colors. If not deuter's green looked not bad. hrm, was wondering whether I should request for that instead of my birthday dinner with my family. But a little selfish, though it's been 4 years since I last bought a backpack, and my shayer one has it's water resistance layer peeling. Materialism.
Of cos I still want my deuter waist pouch. $33, navy blue greyish, or green. I have weird tastes, but no pink yikes. Blue is so common. Oh well, that can wait till before camp.
Nail accessories. Vanity. Wanted a bottle of 'anti biting' nail solution, wanted to kick the habit, but couldn't really. If I could, I would buy a bottle of 'nail growth enhancer' as well. Always wanted nice nails. Vain manz.
Photo Album, sticky... Why? Cos' mine is full and sadly I can't put the Nat Comp 2004 pics in. No preference, as long as it's nice on the outside.
Lip Balm. If I really really can find one that I am not allergic to. Wonders if neutrogena works, but no money to buy and try. Wait till next year if I get a job in the first half year.
If I ever get a job, I would want to shop for new blouses. My wardrobe, all the tops are: 2 button up blouses, t-shirts, sj t-shirts, school uniform. And all the bottoms are: jeans, jeans, jeans. 2-3 shorts, 2 'bermudas' I dunno what is it called, and around 2 3-quarters. Of course, not to forget, a skirt, the only skirt, and a crappy dress. (dun like to wear yikes, looks like apron.)
Shopping. For makeup. Cos' I have none. Still have to choose lipstick properly cos of allergic lips. Dah. I want my eyelashes to come up a little, it looks so sleepy. My eyebrows damn bushy, shud get it trimmed and hopefully looks better. Pierce my ears. And perhaps get contacts, dailies like egg suggested, monthly is soooo ex for me.
I am vain. I am vain. I am vain. I would streak my hair a little if not for being in SJ. So vain. Typical women. No one will believe what I just typed. Yes I am nuts.
Maybe I have said some stuff that some people may be unhappy about, oh well, I couldn't care less. Then you will see what I mean by I should have kept my journal real private.
I am nuts. So many things I want. Econs is true manz, Man have unlimited wants, limited resources. Now the most limited 'resource' is money. Haha. I am a spendthrift. I am vain.
Feel so much better typing wish list. Don't feel depressed anymore. Back to filing and planning for studies. Lalaa.
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Haiz. I didn't come online yesterday, which is a miracle.
Went to attend Xian Liang's wake. Never attended one for Christian one before, I guess it's better and more meaningful than the ones I attended. It's so sadz... As friends of his narrated parts of his life, I am touched by how changed a person he became. Many people knew him, he changed from a person who is very violent to a very caring person. I listened to the things he did, and wondered if I had did it all. I have no idea is it God that changed him, but whatever the source is, he changed for the good, and this bad thing has to happen to him.
Though God did not cure him, he alleviated his pain. I pray that he will be happy in Heaven with no pain and perhaps watch over the people he loved and the people that loved him. I am not close to him, but I believe that his spirit is still alive, living in the hearts of his relatives and friends.
I will always remember him as a great example of care and concern for others.
It triggered me thinking, this type of unselfish love, not seeking recognition, is so great. I was really wondering did I do it all? Or do I possess this unselfishness? I was pondering and reflecting, thinking that I am quite selfish these 2 years. Which is not very good. Not seeking recognition? I thought many things I did tried to seek recognition. Which is even worse. I was wondering then is this journal here good? Because I started to realise that there are too many people who had access to it, and my thoughts are no longer as private as I want them to be. Of course all who had my address I didn't mind them reading 'my thoughts', but sometimes I think I do boast and say things that are very.... attention attracting? Which is rather bad on the self and bad. Just bad, dunno how to describe.
I think I will be closing this blog soon, nearing the year end, perhaps sooner. Or continue this blog as a sort of public one, and keep a real private one with only my very best friends who have access to it. I sort of missed my past journal, which is so private, with almost nobody in the hell reading it, and it was just a 'dustbin' for me to throw my depression in, and I can have freedom of speech.
I dunno. Triggered thoughts that float past my mind. May Xian Liang rest in peace.
Went to attend Xian Liang's wake. Never attended one for Christian one before, I guess it's better and more meaningful than the ones I attended. It's so sadz... As friends of his narrated parts of his life, I am touched by how changed a person he became. Many people knew him, he changed from a person who is very violent to a very caring person. I listened to the things he did, and wondered if I had did it all. I have no idea is it God that changed him, but whatever the source is, he changed for the good, and this bad thing has to happen to him.
Though God did not cure him, he alleviated his pain. I pray that he will be happy in Heaven with no pain and perhaps watch over the people he loved and the people that loved him. I am not close to him, but I believe that his spirit is still alive, living in the hearts of his relatives and friends.
I will always remember him as a great example of care and concern for others.
It triggered me thinking, this type of unselfish love, not seeking recognition, is so great. I was really wondering did I do it all? Or do I possess this unselfishness? I was pondering and reflecting, thinking that I am quite selfish these 2 years. Which is not very good. Not seeking recognition? I thought many things I did tried to seek recognition. Which is even worse. I was wondering then is this journal here good? Because I started to realise that there are too many people who had access to it, and my thoughts are no longer as private as I want them to be. Of course all who had my address I didn't mind them reading 'my thoughts', but sometimes I think I do boast and say things that are very.... attention attracting? Which is rather bad on the self and bad. Just bad, dunno how to describe.
I think I will be closing this blog soon, nearing the year end, perhaps sooner. Or continue this blog as a sort of public one, and keep a real private one with only my very best friends who have access to it. I sort of missed my past journal, which is so private, with almost nobody in the hell reading it, and it was just a 'dustbin' for me to throw my depression in, and I can have freedom of speech.
I dunno. Triggered thoughts that float past my mind. May Xian Liang rest in peace.
Monday, July 26, 2004
Today is like the day I did the most homework. Wow. Can't believe it. But it feels good to have done your physics tutorial and just slack around during physics. But the lesson became rather boring.
Wanted to go visit Xian Liang today, but didn't want to go with people not really my 'clique', and it feels pretty weird cos' I don't really know him well, and I know I won't have anything to talk about, just wanting to pay him a visit and show some concern. Though I never go, still prays for him to get well soon.
Now TV is really attracting me like a magnet, with all the great shows.
Monday - 10.45 p.m. Burning Flame 2 (Ch U)
Thursday - 11 p.m. Kindachi (Ch 8)
Sunday - 11.10 p.m. GTO 2 (Ch 8)
From next week onwards, 7 p.m. Monday to Friday, there's Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre. Woohoo. Zhang Wu Ji by Su Yong Peng, and I just love to watch Jin Yong's stories again and again on TV by different countries. So far this story I only saw the one with Leung Chao Wei. As for Condor Heroes, I saw before Liu De Hua, Ren Xian Qi, Li Ming Shun. Xiao Ao Jiang Hu with Ren Xian Qi and Ma Jing Tao. Of course I must say so far the series with Ren Xian Qi are the best for both stories, and I have a feeling that Su Yong Peng might prove to excel over the 'old' show with Leung Chao Wei. Tian Long Ba Bu I only saw 1 of it, that's the one long time ago I think around when I was both or earlier. I am not psychic; I just watched the recorded shows. And how I love to repeat watching it, despite knowing the story, despite watching the story with these very few characters already. As you know, if you haven't already know, I am a TV freak. Super freak. I love shows with the 'ancient' times settings, Chinese ones, with martial arts and 'flying' around whatever it is. Watched a variety of other serial shows of this kind, Wind & Cloud, 'New' Jue Dai Shuang Jiao, 'New' Chu Liu Xiang, Kang Xi yu Xiaobao, Huan Zhu Ge Ge 1,2,3, Princess Huai Yu, Dugu Qiubai, Liu Mang Tai Yi, Tou Long Zhuan Feng, Huang Hou Jing Gong, and blahblahblah.... too many to be stated. My record was I think 10 VCDs in half a day. Ooohhh, I am pretty scary at times about watching TV, haha. And I think I watch each series at least twice, unless it's damn long like Princess Huaiyu, Which I think is 60+ CDs, and shows on TV, no record of it like Liu Mang Tai Yi (ooohh, how I wished I can rewatch that, it's damn nice). All the VCDs 'loan' came from my grandaunt of course, who have a super big stash of it. I just hate boring ones that narrates the life and only his life that perhaps Kangxi lives when he ruled his kingdom, or Yong Zheng, or Qian Long. Though I did watch one with Qian Long & how he ascended the throne and ruled his kingdom, that was because the romance was pretty engaging. haha.
Okie enough TV. Back to drinking mugs of words.
Wanted to go visit Xian Liang today, but didn't want to go with people not really my 'clique', and it feels pretty weird cos' I don't really know him well, and I know I won't have anything to talk about, just wanting to pay him a visit and show some concern. Though I never go, still prays for him to get well soon.
Now TV is really attracting me like a magnet, with all the great shows.
Monday - 10.45 p.m. Burning Flame 2 (Ch U)
Thursday - 11 p.m. Kindachi (Ch 8)
Sunday - 11.10 p.m. GTO 2 (Ch 8)
From next week onwards, 7 p.m. Monday to Friday, there's Heaven Sword and Dragon Sabre. Woohoo. Zhang Wu Ji by Su Yong Peng, and I just love to watch Jin Yong's stories again and again on TV by different countries. So far this story I only saw the one with Leung Chao Wei. As for Condor Heroes, I saw before Liu De Hua, Ren Xian Qi, Li Ming Shun. Xiao Ao Jiang Hu with Ren Xian Qi and Ma Jing Tao. Of course I must say so far the series with Ren Xian Qi are the best for both stories, and I have a feeling that Su Yong Peng might prove to excel over the 'old' show with Leung Chao Wei. Tian Long Ba Bu I only saw 1 of it, that's the one long time ago I think around when I was both or earlier. I am not psychic; I just watched the recorded shows. And how I love to repeat watching it, despite knowing the story, despite watching the story with these very few characters already. As you know, if you haven't already know, I am a TV freak. Super freak. I love shows with the 'ancient' times settings, Chinese ones, with martial arts and 'flying' around whatever it is. Watched a variety of other serial shows of this kind, Wind & Cloud, 'New' Jue Dai Shuang Jiao, 'New' Chu Liu Xiang, Kang Xi yu Xiaobao, Huan Zhu Ge Ge 1,2,3, Princess Huai Yu, Dugu Qiubai, Liu Mang Tai Yi, Tou Long Zhuan Feng, Huang Hou Jing Gong, and blahblahblah.... too many to be stated. My record was I think 10 VCDs in half a day. Ooohhh, I am pretty scary at times about watching TV, haha. And I think I watch each series at least twice, unless it's damn long like Princess Huaiyu, Which I think is 60+ CDs, and shows on TV, no record of it like Liu Mang Tai Yi (ooohh, how I wished I can rewatch that, it's damn nice). All the VCDs 'loan' came from my grandaunt of course, who have a super big stash of it. I just hate boring ones that narrates the life and only his life that perhaps Kangxi lives when he ruled his kingdom, or Yong Zheng, or Qian Long. Though I did watch one with Qian Long & how he ascended the throne and ruled his kingdom, that was because the romance was pretty engaging. haha.
Okie enough TV. Back to drinking mugs of words.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Another post.
I was too tired yesterday to blog. Yest I went out to study with egg, then went for CHC youth service. Alright didn't really like the loud songs, and I am not exactly a people person, so can't really talk with people. Remembered a time when I went there, a guy just said I was plain antisocial. Alright I don't deny it, I am. I am not comfortable in a group of strangers who suddenly extends their hands so warmly to me. And I know I am not their 'type'. If I ever go to a church, guess it wouldn't be CHC, but some ulu church that sings hymns that are slow. Those songs give me more of a peaceful feeling than some rock song where everyone starts jumping around and screaming the lungs. As for the things Pastor Kong said, quite interesting. I only like to listen to the 'talk' after all the singing. And congrats to Pastor Sun for being pregnant. May God bless her and her baby.
As for today, it's another eating day. And slack day. Though I did go tuition, I feel slack. Aiyah, nothing to talk about a lazy day. Going to drink vit C and watch GTO2. Just watched Xmen just now, as fantastic as Xmen 2. I shall end here.
I was too tired yesterday to blog. Yest I went out to study with egg, then went for CHC youth service. Alright didn't really like the loud songs, and I am not exactly a people person, so can't really talk with people. Remembered a time when I went there, a guy just said I was plain antisocial. Alright I don't deny it, I am. I am not comfortable in a group of strangers who suddenly extends their hands so warmly to me. And I know I am not their 'type'. If I ever go to a church, guess it wouldn't be CHC, but some ulu church that sings hymns that are slow. Those songs give me more of a peaceful feeling than some rock song where everyone starts jumping around and screaming the lungs. As for the things Pastor Kong said, quite interesting. I only like to listen to the 'talk' after all the singing. And congrats to Pastor Sun for being pregnant. May God bless her and her baby.
As for today, it's another eating day. And slack day. Though I did go tuition, I feel slack. Aiyah, nothing to talk about a lazy day. Going to drink vit C and watch GTO2. Just watched Xmen just now, as fantastic as Xmen 2. I shall end here.
I will start with a prayer.
{Prayer} "Dear Lord, I know that I am not a Christian and perhaps I am not praying everyday, but I do pray now that you will help the boy that is suffering right now from cancer. I learnt from a tender age that you will extend your love to each and every one of the people on Earth, everyone out there, when they truly need help, no matter who they are, whether they believe in you or not, you will help them. What's more here it is a boy that believes in you. I pray that you will alleviate his pain, bless him, and help him recover. After all, he's only 18 and has not really experienced life yet. Give him a chance to live his life, give him the chance to go through the real life out there. He's a boy with good character, give him the chance to climb up to his life again and the chance to help others. He has a good heart, and he doesn't deserve this. You have worked a miracle on him before, do work another miracle on him again. Let him feel your love. Let your love alleviate his pain. Let him spread your love to the rest of the people around him, and all others on Earth. Just give him the chance. Thank you Lord, in Jesus' name I pray, Amen. "
May God bless him. Though I don't really know him very well, I will continue to pray for him. May you feel the love of God.
{Prayer} "Dear Lord, I know that I am not a Christian and perhaps I am not praying everyday, but I do pray now that you will help the boy that is suffering right now from cancer. I learnt from a tender age that you will extend your love to each and every one of the people on Earth, everyone out there, when they truly need help, no matter who they are, whether they believe in you or not, you will help them. What's more here it is a boy that believes in you. I pray that you will alleviate his pain, bless him, and help him recover. After all, he's only 18 and has not really experienced life yet. Give him a chance to live his life, give him the chance to go through the real life out there. He's a boy with good character, give him the chance to climb up to his life again and the chance to help others. He has a good heart, and he doesn't deserve this. You have worked a miracle on him before, do work another miracle on him again. Let him feel your love. Let your love alleviate his pain. Let him spread your love to the rest of the people around him, and all others on Earth. Just give him the chance. Thank you Lord, in Jesus' name I pray, Amen. "
May God bless him. Though I don't really know him very well, I will continue to pray for him. May you feel the love of God.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
I am chao FATZ! I just ate 2 bread and a cup of milo for breakfast. Now my mum is tempting me to eat carrot cake!!! Told her I am fatz, she keep tempting me. HAHA. She win le loh. Maybe she wanna a chubby daughter. Haaa. I am nuts.
Later gg to study with xk and ce then go CHC for service in the evening. Life revolves around studying now, so interesting. I never imagined that will happened to me. But it did. Yikes no more eating, later going sumo house to have udon/rice.
Later gg to study with xk and ce then go CHC for service in the evening. Life revolves around studying now, so interesting. I never imagined that will happened to me. But it did. Yikes no more eating, later going sumo house to have udon/rice.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Yeah I am supposed to be studying. I know I shouldn't be here. But I was curious at the 'one new email message" on my MSN. So I clicked it. Wasn't some important email, deleted it, and went on to check my SJ mailbox. It's a chain reaction actually.
I clicked "sign in" to my silentdreams account. Then I see a long list of new emails. One glance, all from Std4s groups. Hrm.
Opened each email one by one. Seriously, I never saw the group so active for the past year. It was full of emails planning squad outings, squad basketball sessions (which was today), and Chio actually said the guys didn't think the girls were boring with their screamings and slow speed. Which was one of the first emails I read, which was amazing, I was amazed at the length the guys are willing to go to just to accomodate the girls in playing ball. In fact, it's not easy. And they seemed to have grow closer after POP, which was something I admire, they actually got together a week after POP to play and have fun. And plan an outing tomorrow. I am stunned at this, if you see their squad in the 6 months before POP and now, and deep inside my heart I am envious. Envious that their squad could stay so united after passing out. Of course my squad is nice, we get along well together, but how many times did we actually gather together after POP? Even if we did, I guess it's not as much fun as a bball session. Most probably having dinner together? When Esther comes back every now and then? And how many will actually turn up. I guess the best no. now is perhaps 15 or 16 which was the farewell dinner we've had at pastamania for Esther before she really left for Sydney.
But on the other hand, different squads have different ways of bonding. This batch of Std4s bond perhaps on compromise and accomodation? The guys just compromise so much, and the girls take charge. My squad? Was thinking, thought we really bonded on bickering and fighting? haha, don't be surprised, my squad the girls are super rough and 'manly' in a sense, me,esth and xy just love smacking the guys when they qi fu us? (haha, xy, take no offence.) And I realised I love scolding Dan for nutting though, and he will give an 'auntie' response and willingly be scolded, then poor guy he gives up on bickering with me and walks away. And dunno why he always get smacked. xk also gets smacked quite often. dj, wq, alan always on the look for chio bus, then say that our sqd girls are lan in looks, of course, they get smacked too. cw oh well, when he talks crap we will just heckz him and do our stuff. wy and gf always get pai chi, though gf tries hard to 'integrate' in with the AA. jess and yq not very close to us all, but they never refuse a gathering on purpose (at least i think so). chris, jh more quiet side. We will nv forget the joke abt yq and jd together, and will always have caleb monkeying around us. I hang around well with hb, timothy is fine as long as he's not too perfectionist at the moment, alvis well, don't hang out with us one. And of course egg and mitch, the 2 more mature girls in the sqd. Did I miss out anyone?
Aiyah, their unity reminds me of my own sqd. Hope they are really united after all, and not just a temporary infatuation to spend time with their squadmates. Just thought whether pple like Madelyn will get involved. Hopefully.
Yikes. Ate more food. I am seriously gg to be overweight. Really. I checked the charts. Just 2 more kg and I am gone, poof! In the TAF or rather FAT club. Didn't really exercise much control over my diet, can't be bothered. And I ate extra extra tonight. Okie. I need to slim down... Bad. Obesity is not good. No more snacks. Eat less. Drink water. Okie.
I clicked "sign in" to my silentdreams account. Then I see a long list of new emails. One glance, all from Std4s groups. Hrm.
Opened each email one by one. Seriously, I never saw the group so active for the past year. It was full of emails planning squad outings, squad basketball sessions (which was today), and Chio actually said the guys didn't think the girls were boring with their screamings and slow speed. Which was one of the first emails I read, which was amazing, I was amazed at the length the guys are willing to go to just to accomodate the girls in playing ball. In fact, it's not easy. And they seemed to have grow closer after POP, which was something I admire, they actually got together a week after POP to play and have fun. And plan an outing tomorrow. I am stunned at this, if you see their squad in the 6 months before POP and now, and deep inside my heart I am envious. Envious that their squad could stay so united after passing out. Of course my squad is nice, we get along well together, but how many times did we actually gather together after POP? Even if we did, I guess it's not as much fun as a bball session. Most probably having dinner together? When Esther comes back every now and then? And how many will actually turn up. I guess the best no. now is perhaps 15 or 16 which was the farewell dinner we've had at pastamania for Esther before she really left for Sydney.
But on the other hand, different squads have different ways of bonding. This batch of Std4s bond perhaps on compromise and accomodation? The guys just compromise so much, and the girls take charge. My squad? Was thinking, thought we really bonded on bickering and fighting? haha, don't be surprised, my squad the girls are super rough and 'manly' in a sense, me,esth and xy just love smacking the guys when they qi fu us? (haha, xy, take no offence.) And I realised I love scolding Dan for nutting though, and he will give an 'auntie' response and willingly be scolded, then poor guy he gives up on bickering with me and walks away. And dunno why he always get smacked. xk also gets smacked quite often. dj, wq, alan always on the look for chio bus, then say that our sqd girls are lan in looks, of course, they get smacked too. cw oh well, when he talks crap we will just heckz him and do our stuff. wy and gf always get pai chi, though gf tries hard to 'integrate' in with the AA. jess and yq not very close to us all, but they never refuse a gathering on purpose (at least i think so). chris, jh more quiet side. We will nv forget the joke abt yq and jd together, and will always have caleb monkeying around us. I hang around well with hb, timothy is fine as long as he's not too perfectionist at the moment, alvis well, don't hang out with us one. And of course egg and mitch, the 2 more mature girls in the sqd. Did I miss out anyone?
Aiyah, their unity reminds me of my own sqd. Hope they are really united after all, and not just a temporary infatuation to spend time with their squadmates. Just thought whether pple like Madelyn will get involved. Hopefully.
Yikes. Ate more food. I am seriously gg to be overweight. Really. I checked the charts. Just 2 more kg and I am gone, poof! In the TAF or rather FAT club. Didn't really exercise much control over my diet, can't be bothered. And I ate extra extra tonight. Okie. I need to slim down... Bad. Obesity is not good. No more snacks. Eat less. Drink water. Okie.
Yeah! Now I have the Rich Text Editor thingy!
Seriously, at first when I first wanted to blog just now, I was going to complain cos' I couldn't get the text thing yesterday. Read some lines and it said need a certain level of Internal Explorer or Windows. Thought my computer so damn lan till' cannot even make the mark. Now it can so no complains. After all, it's a pentium 3. Though everyone in the hell uses Win XP and Pentium 4, but at least Win Me get the least of the virus. And I am don't require fast word processors, cos' I am a slow reactor.
Getting the momentum of doing work. Realised that once the momentum is there, you won't stop doing tutorials till' you are tired. By COM, it shouldn't stop till the velocity of my brain becomes zero. Since momentum = mass * velocity. OKie stop crapping.
You are right. I am currently nuts about Physics.
All the people around me are mugging. Everyone does their tutorials on time. Some stresses me out manz, did all the tutorials and have nothing to do. ALL the tutorials. Much ahead of time. Can you believe it. This is scary, like I told ser, once it's lunch, or free periods, you see people mugging at every study area all the time. Like I told airen, I don't mug, but I do like a mug of coffee.
Today was evaluation of JCT results by Mrs Lim. Our cohort was totally trashed by the previous 2 cohorts in terms of passes and distinctions. Not surprising, which school I go to don't say our cohort is horrendous compared to the previous batches? Whether is it DHS, or TJC, it's the same everywhere. Not my primary school though. When it's not a famous school, we just do our best and hope to get into a normal secondary school. Things just don't operate the same way in a top school. Our batch is the smallest, and everytime our results are just the worse it seems to be. Our batch left a mark in DHS history by not doing well enough for the kids to get a half day off school. I wonder if we will leave a mark in TJC too.
Okie. Time to start the momentum of Physics. Perhaps complete complex numbers too. I yearn to be a person 'who have not enough tutorials to do'. Sounds so relaxing. Once I catch up on pt and interval estimation, i can do hypo testing, then do t-testing. Then I will catch up with fmath stats in no time. hrm. Sounds like a dream. Like the GP essay topic, "If you can dream it, you can do it." (Walt Disney)
Seriously, at first when I first wanted to blog just now, I was going to complain cos' I couldn't get the text thing yesterday. Read some lines and it said need a certain level of Internal Explorer or Windows. Thought my computer so damn lan till' cannot even make the mark. Now it can so no complains. After all, it's a pentium 3. Though everyone in the hell uses Win XP and Pentium 4, but at least Win Me get the least of the virus. And I am don't require fast word processors, cos' I am a slow reactor.
Getting the momentum of doing work. Realised that once the momentum is there, you won't stop doing tutorials till' you are tired. By COM, it shouldn't stop till the velocity of my brain becomes zero. Since momentum = mass * velocity. OKie stop crapping.
You are right. I am currently nuts about Physics.
All the people around me are mugging. Everyone does their tutorials on time. Some stresses me out manz, did all the tutorials and have nothing to do. ALL the tutorials. Much ahead of time. Can you believe it. This is scary, like I told ser, once it's lunch, or free periods, you see people mugging at every study area all the time. Like I told airen, I don't mug, but I do like a mug of coffee.
Today was evaluation of JCT results by Mrs Lim. Our cohort was totally trashed by the previous 2 cohorts in terms of passes and distinctions. Not surprising, which school I go to don't say our cohort is horrendous compared to the previous batches? Whether is it DHS, or TJC, it's the same everywhere. Not my primary school though. When it's not a famous school, we just do our best and hope to get into a normal secondary school. Things just don't operate the same way in a top school. Our batch is the smallest, and everytime our results are just the worse it seems to be. Our batch left a mark in DHS history by not doing well enough for the kids to get a half day off school. I wonder if we will leave a mark in TJC too.
Okie. Time to start the momentum of Physics. Perhaps complete complex numbers too. I yearn to be a person 'who have not enough tutorials to do'. Sounds so relaxing. Once I catch up on pt and interval estimation, i can do hypo testing, then do t-testing. Then I will catch up with fmath stats in no time. hrm. Sounds like a dream. Like the GP essay topic, "If you can dream it, you can do it." (Walt Disney)
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Realised everyone is very stressed up now. Sorry read my journal even more stressed.
Just wanna say, jiayou everyone, especially fish and egg. Dunno what fish is stressed over really, but if you need me, I will be there! (I am nuts, hrm, izzit cashew or wall)
As for egg, don't stress over math! I would love to teach you if I can, but I having tuition myself, not up to it. Anyway group tuition for math not very good, esp caravan so many pple. If it's not too good, maybe you should try junyang/esther's that tutor. Smaller group, the price should be okie, perhaps a little more ex than caravan only. I think she does teach cmath if I am not wrong. Should be more effective.
Haha, for the rest like esthie, jiayou dating and mugging in uni. Who call you go uni so fast when all of us in pre uni. haha.
As for brother xk, haha don't worry won't miss you out. Jiayou orhz. And stop acting stupid, haha. Go church more often, you need to get rid of your vulgar languages, bad impression u noe.
for all others very stressed, nutting to do come find me bah. I am a very lonely person. Can you imagine that I haven't got an SMS from anyone today? Haha, for all handphone freaks out there, you will never imagine that happening to you. For 'quiet' people like me, I hardly overshoot 200 minutes of talktime and 300 SMS per month.
Jiayou! don't stress. Think of me when you do. Guess I look pretty comical.
Live With A Positive Attitude.
Just wanna say, jiayou everyone, especially fish and egg. Dunno what fish is stressed over really, but if you need me, I will be there! (I am nuts, hrm, izzit cashew or wall)
As for egg, don't stress over math! I would love to teach you if I can, but I having tuition myself, not up to it. Anyway group tuition for math not very good, esp caravan so many pple. If it's not too good, maybe you should try junyang/esther's that tutor. Smaller group, the price should be okie, perhaps a little more ex than caravan only. I think she does teach cmath if I am not wrong. Should be more effective.
Haha, for the rest like esthie, jiayou dating and mugging in uni. Who call you go uni so fast when all of us in pre uni. haha.
As for brother xk, haha don't worry won't miss you out. Jiayou orhz. And stop acting stupid, haha. Go church more often, you need to get rid of your vulgar languages, bad impression u noe.
for all others very stressed, nutting to do come find me bah. I am a very lonely person. Can you imagine that I haven't got an SMS from anyone today? Haha, for all handphone freaks out there, you will never imagine that happening to you. For 'quiet' people like me, I hardly overshoot 200 minutes of talktime and 300 SMS per month.
Jiayou! don't stress. Think of me when you do. Guess I look pretty comical.
Live With A Positive Attitude.
Start of studying.
Comments:
1) it's boring.
2) life is a bit sianz without sj, but i haven't had my fill of it. once i have, i am going to come here and jump around saying i am bored.
3) catching up with tutorials is not easy. this is the result of lack of consistency and laziness.
4) it's not fun cos i have 3 math tuitions this week to catch up with 3 chapters.
5) when u have no basics to begin with, you will not be able to carry on further.
6) i am going to have 'fun' figuring out fmaths.
7) sometimes you wonder why people get 3 As and 4 As, and there's so many of them, singapore must be full of study freaks.
8) it's just bad that your fav tv serial is changed to once per week instead of five times a week when u really need it to destress.
9) it just suck that you are feeling sick, everyday, but u are not too sick enough to miss school. neither can u wipe away the sickness.
10) it just hurts when u keep thinking about the project u wanted very much to succeed and it flop, thinking over all the things you could have done to prevent it's flop.
11) it is just embarassing that i suck at dancing, and yet i danced. throw face totally. me and chee wee look like idiots. and i fell.
12) it's time to blame myself for all the flops.
13) it just suck when u noe u are irritating to a person and yet couldn't help bothering her.
and now i am listening to 'Our Story'. Reminds me of the flopped pop.
i am not in a good mood though.
Mixed feelings. Sad and disappointed about the flopped POP. Lethargic cos' feeling sick. Tired cos' of tuitions. Can't focus well on catching up. Irritated by teachers who are checking on me. Mystified by my GP tutor who talks softly with no sense today. Guilty cos' I caused the flop.
Wishes that I can work long into the night and remain focused and awake the next day. Almost impossible. Wished that I am clever to grasp the concepts after reading it once. Intelligence is in born. Wishes that I am as attractive as many other girls. Inner beauty is crap that girls like me fool ourselves with.
Someone once said, everyone is born with a talent. So what's mine? The only thing I could think of is the ability to crap and entertain. Maybe I should go become a clown.
So tired. I want my bears. My pillow. My bed. My eyes are tired. My mind needs a rest. So little time. So much to do. At least I am too much into leisure, so I won't go mad studying for A's. I am going to take a rest. Better do my tutorials, or else tml go and see ngoh's face. he specifically come to my table and said tml we will be going thru till qn9. sux. i skipped one of his tutorials though, so now i am struggling with the assignment.
and i am growing fat. almost overweight. ate too much. ate dinner and gupped my dad's partially of his pork cutlet. and ate an egg tart. drank a mug of orange juice. horrible. i sound like a monster.
bad mood. sianz. i am gg to hug my cutie bear.
Comments:
1) it's boring.
2) life is a bit sianz without sj, but i haven't had my fill of it. once i have, i am going to come here and jump around saying i am bored.
3) catching up with tutorials is not easy. this is the result of lack of consistency and laziness.
4) it's not fun cos i have 3 math tuitions this week to catch up with 3 chapters.
5) when u have no basics to begin with, you will not be able to carry on further.
6) i am going to have 'fun' figuring out fmaths.
7) sometimes you wonder why people get 3 As and 4 As, and there's so many of them, singapore must be full of study freaks.
8) it's just bad that your fav tv serial is changed to once per week instead of five times a week when u really need it to destress.
9) it just suck that you are feeling sick, everyday, but u are not too sick enough to miss school. neither can u wipe away the sickness.
10) it just hurts when u keep thinking about the project u wanted very much to succeed and it flop, thinking over all the things you could have done to prevent it's flop.
11) it is just embarassing that i suck at dancing, and yet i danced. throw face totally. me and chee wee look like idiots. and i fell.
12) it's time to blame myself for all the flops.
13) it just suck when u noe u are irritating to a person and yet couldn't help bothering her.
and now i am listening to 'Our Story'. Reminds me of the flopped pop.
i am not in a good mood though.
Mixed feelings. Sad and disappointed about the flopped POP. Lethargic cos' feeling sick. Tired cos' of tuitions. Can't focus well on catching up. Irritated by teachers who are checking on me. Mystified by my GP tutor who talks softly with no sense today. Guilty cos' I caused the flop.
Wishes that I can work long into the night and remain focused and awake the next day. Almost impossible. Wished that I am clever to grasp the concepts after reading it once. Intelligence is in born. Wishes that I am as attractive as many other girls. Inner beauty is crap that girls like me fool ourselves with.
Someone once said, everyone is born with a talent. So what's mine? The only thing I could think of is the ability to crap and entertain. Maybe I should go become a clown.
So tired. I want my bears. My pillow. My bed. My eyes are tired. My mind needs a rest. So little time. So much to do. At least I am too much into leisure, so I won't go mad studying for A's. I am going to take a rest. Better do my tutorials, or else tml go and see ngoh's face. he specifically come to my table and said tml we will be going thru till qn9. sux. i skipped one of his tutorials though, so now i am struggling with the assignment.
and i am growing fat. almost overweight. ate too much. ate dinner and gupped my dad's partially of his pork cutlet. and ate an egg tart. drank a mug of orange juice. horrible. i sound like a monster.
bad mood. sianz. i am gg to hug my cutie bear.
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
Sadz. After reading some journals. Sadz that the POP turned out bad. Parade sux, Social Night was boring, haiz. Still got people SMS me after POP and asked me the theme of POP, so shi bai. Failed to give Std4s the feeling. So lan. Hope they won't be too upset about it.
Like my POP. Don't feel much for it. So sadz. Can't even remember my last day as an instructor. Feel so sorry for the Std4s I took. The theme was crap. Lasting Memories indeed. Sianz. 2nd project that flopped. Never did a project that excelled under my leadership huh. Not even PW. I just suck at projects. I am just not born a leader, yah.
Failed to deliver the promise I made. Failed to give them a nice POP. Failed mission. Total failure.
Think JY was sadz too. Not about to apologise cos' I know no amount of sorries will help. Because POP is once in a lifetime. It shall never be the same again.
Like my POP. Don't feel much for it. So sadz. Can't even remember my last day as an instructor. Feel so sorry for the Std4s I took. The theme was crap. Lasting Memories indeed. Sianz. 2nd project that flopped. Never did a project that excelled under my leadership huh. Not even PW. I just suck at projects. I am just not born a leader, yah.
Failed to deliver the promise I made. Failed to give them a nice POP. Failed mission. Total failure.
Think JY was sadz too. Not about to apologise cos' I know no amount of sorries will help. Because POP is once in a lifetime. It shall never be the same again.
Damn tired from PE.
Nothing much to say.
Start of intensive studying. Estimated 3 math tuition on Cmath this week. Hopefully I can catch up in the 3 tutorials for Stats. Then I can start figuring out Fmath. I still got tons of Fmath to figure out. 2 months to Prelims. Jiayou. only 3 subjects.
Thinking about how to improve GP. Hrm. Maybe should start reading a magazine a day. lol. PLenty of TIME that I haven read.
I am not a genius, but with hard work, I can become as clever as one.
Nothing much to say.
Start of intensive studying. Estimated 3 math tuition on Cmath this week. Hopefully I can catch up in the 3 tutorials for Stats. Then I can start figuring out Fmath. I still got tons of Fmath to figure out. 2 months to Prelims. Jiayou. only 3 subjects.
Thinking about how to improve GP. Hrm. Maybe should start reading a magazine a day. lol. PLenty of TIME that I haven read.
I am not a genius, but with hard work, I can become as clever as one.
Monday, July 19, 2004
Was reading their little notes for an hour yesterday till midnight. Was very the damn tired, but still read on cos' Angeline asked me if I read, and I felt bad for not reading it. After all, I wanted to end all this stuff during the weekend, and hopefully, from 19 July onwards, I am one who have 'passed out' temporarily from SJ. And so I read, note after note, waiting for Angeline's note to come. I started crying on the first few notes le, especially Huiru's. After hers, the rest didn't touched me as much. Leaning my head against the fluffy pillow of mine, I started reading with a tired mind, which was giving me a message "I want to zzz".
The notes were more or less of the same content, and I wondered if they collaborated with one another and wrote the same things. Many notes mentioned that they at first were unhappy cos I was their OIC instead of Chee Wee, and somehow I gave them the impression that I was upset cos' of their thinking. (Was I that obvious?) Then some are thank you notes, thank you for a, thank you for b, blahblah.... I came across one interesting one that was pretty much like an evaluation of how I fared as their OIC, though I thought it was pretty weird to be 'assessed' as their in-charge. lol. Then some mentioned that I was more approachable than JY, give me the impression that he's some bad guy. Guess I was too kind. Then one note mentioned that I was too regimental at times, hrm. Too bad, SJ is uniformed group, cannot be helped. And the guys generally wrote little. Many also wrote 'they do not know me well' which I thought was quite true after reading the rest of the note.
Note after note, I unrolled them, and tried to tie it back with the exact same knot, because these 30 notes were tied with 30 different kinds of knots, tied by 30 different people. Which I thought was some kind of meaning to it. But I know that no matter how hard I try, the knots will never be the same again.
I came to the last of the notes, and there was no note by Angeline. lol, I think she must have put it in JY's bottle. Hrm. Nvm. I will get it back from him when I meet him and YZ up for dinner again, and make him burn the CD for me too.
A bottle of notes, it's all that's left behind, next to the memories that they have given me. May all of them always be Together As One, as their squad motto says.
The notes were more or less of the same content, and I wondered if they collaborated with one another and wrote the same things. Many notes mentioned that they at first were unhappy cos I was their OIC instead of Chee Wee, and somehow I gave them the impression that I was upset cos' of their thinking. (Was I that obvious?) Then some are thank you notes, thank you for a, thank you for b, blahblah.... I came across one interesting one that was pretty much like an evaluation of how I fared as their OIC, though I thought it was pretty weird to be 'assessed' as their in-charge. lol. Then some mentioned that I was more approachable than JY, give me the impression that he's some bad guy. Guess I was too kind. Then one note mentioned that I was too regimental at times, hrm. Too bad, SJ is uniformed group, cannot be helped. And the guys generally wrote little. Many also wrote 'they do not know me well' which I thought was quite true after reading the rest of the note.
Note after note, I unrolled them, and tried to tie it back with the exact same knot, because these 30 notes were tied with 30 different kinds of knots, tied by 30 different people. Which I thought was some kind of meaning to it. But I know that no matter how hard I try, the knots will never be the same again.
I came to the last of the notes, and there was no note by Angeline. lol, I think she must have put it in JY's bottle. Hrm. Nvm. I will get it back from him when I meet him and YZ up for dinner again, and make him burn the CD for me too.
A bottle of notes, it's all that's left behind, next to the memories that they have given me. May all of them always be Together As One, as their squad motto says.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
I AM VERY SADz!
My handphone the back scratched vv badly. I just realised. WAH. 2 months only. 40 bucks. I AM SADZ. dunno how the scratches got there also. i am going to get a nice thick pouch for my hp le lahz. VERY XIN TONG. My heart throbs painfully against the rigid ribcage. WAH!!!! And I like this color. WAH! Scratched till the color gone off le. I AM SADZ.
My handphone the back scratched vv badly. I just realised. WAH. 2 months only. 40 bucks. I AM SADZ. dunno how the scratches got there also. i am going to get a nice thick pouch for my hp le lahz. VERY XIN TONG. My heart throbs painfully against the rigid ribcage. WAH!!!! And I like this color. WAH! Scratched till the color gone off le. I AM SADZ.
I don't usually read newspapers. But my mum made me read this article.
What the modern woman wants
A 15-year-old Singaporean, Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen, from Raffles Girls' School, won the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries. Her short story focuses on the conflict in values between an old woman and her independent-minded daughter.
THE old woman sat in the back seat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it might be kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed. With trembling hands she pulled the seat belt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her calloused fingers. Her daughter had warned her not to dirty it: 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance', 'liquidation', 'assets', 'investments'. Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily towards the back seat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretense and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view mirror, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the Ancient Relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick. She knelt down solemnly and whispered her now-familiar daily prayer to the gods.
'Thank you, God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh (dialect for Caucasian man).
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness.
'I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.
Finally, with her head bowed in reverence, she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more.
The old woman had been praying for her daughter for 32 years. When her abdomen was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably a girl.
Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu (old-fashioned in Chinese). She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.
The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter leaves the earth, everything she has will count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: that her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry.
Being at the top is not good, the woman thought. There is only one way to go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon (rice vermicelli) in front of the altar.
Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too - idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her, and leave her an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern women nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern women nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to find a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly.
Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a home. There's one near Hougang, it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there. You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time, the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers traced the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view mirror for her mother. 'Is everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended. 'If it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow. I already got the maid to pack your things,' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.'
Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now.
She had everything a modern woman ever wanted: money, status, career, love, power and now, freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down - yes, she was free.
Her phone buzzed urgently; she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10-per-cent increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...
And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her handphone screen, the old woman in the back seat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
Last-minute effort turns in prize essay
RGS girl's winning piece was 2-hour rush job to finish homework
By Serene Luo
IT WAS homework.
'I don't claim to know about modern women because I am not one yet. The characters are based on my own perceptions.' -- AMANDA CHONG (LEFT) -- WANG HUI FEN
Two weeks before Chinese New Year this year, Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen's teacher had assigned an essay as homework. The night before it was due, the 15-year-old was cracking her brains, wondering what to write.
Inspiration struck, and she also had a little help from Amy Tan's book on mother-daughter relationships, The Joy Luck Club. In two hours, she was done.
That effort won the Secondary 3 student from Raffles Girls' School the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition, which has been running for over 100 years.
More than 5,300 entries were received in this year's competition, which was organised by the Royal Commonwealth Society.
No one was more surprised than Amanda herself, who did not know even know about the competition.
'When the head of department for English walked into my class and called me to the front of the class, I was like 'Oh no, what did I do wrong?' Then she told the class that I had won.
'I was really surprised,' said the student, who says she usually scores about 27 out of 30 for her English essays.
She won £500 (S$1,560) and will donate $500 to help needy students in her school.
While she has not decided what to do with the rest of the money, she said her friends have asked her for a treat, saying she can now afford to buy 'millions of tacos'.
Amanda's essay, What The Modern Woman Wants, is a poignant piece about a career woman who is blessed with success in love, career and life, but doesn't have a soul. She eventually casts off her aged, traditional mother.
But Amanda says she's not out to anger career women.
'I don't claim to know about modern women, because I'm not one yet,' she said.
'The characters and situations are based on my perceptions of the world and what I see happening in society.'
She says Bee Choo, the modern woman in her story, is 'a caricature, an intensified stereotype'.
'But that's precisely the point that I wanted to discuss - the stereotype,' she said.
'I think a real mum wouldn't be so passive and won't let herself be thrown out without a fight.'
The co-treasurer of her school's English Language Drama Society said the dramatic side of her enjoyed writing the dialogue and the part where the daughter flung her mobile phone at her mother.
'A German lady e-mailed me after I had won, saying that she cried when she read my story,' she said. 'She said her mother had died the year before.'
Amanda hopes to become a lawyer, like her father, and perhaps a politician.
'I think you can have both success and a soul,' she said.
'Life is not about chasing after stuff, and getting caught up in your own success and forgetting others.'
Now I am an absolutely critical person. (Alright ser don't be too uptight about your article. hahaz) I think that her writing skills are great, of a much much higher level than me, though I am 3 years older than she is. She described the modern woman today which is very true in reality. Everything she said make very much sense. About people today not being able to 'yin shui si yuan', people tend to forget their roots, etc. I was impressed by her article until this part that she started to use Chinese in her essay. No, I am not against Chinese in an English essay, don't be mistaken. She used the word "nengkan", and it was this one word, this very word that makes me lose confidence or rather lose the good impression of this entire essay. I am a perfectionist, which I don't deny. Of course I am not going to fault her cos' her hanyu pinyin is wrong, cos' I believe that not everyone has hanyu pinyin drilled well into their heads by their primary school teacher like my teacher did. Cos' hanyu pinyin wasn't really a large component of the exam. Okie, not that her hanyu pinyin is wrong, but her misuse of the word in the essay. She used it as a noun in the essay, but 'nenggan' is a verb. "caigan" is the better word to use. Set me off thinking, after all that she has said, about not forgetting our roots, is she one that will remember her own? Just because the Commonwealth people don't know the real meaning of the Chinese word, oh well.
And I am not one who is fond of reading success stories of talented people. Getting 27/30 for her essays especially in a school like RGS, it's not a wonder that she can win the Commonwealth competition. I am, of course, more interested in success stories of ordinary people. Because I am an ordinary person. But I will not deny the success of talented people, because they are the pillars of society, and they keep the standard of our economy and everything else up.
Not that I am extremely critical, it just suddenly striked a lot of thinking in me when I read the article.
What the modern woman wants
A 15-year-old Singaporean, Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen, from Raffles Girls' School, won the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries. Her short story focuses on the conflict in values between an old woman and her independent-minded daughter.
THE old woman sat in the back seat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it might be kidnapped by the wind.
She was not used to such speed. With trembling hands she pulled the seat belt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her calloused fingers. Her daughter had warned her not to dirty it: 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'
Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance', 'liquidation', 'assets', 'investments'. Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it. Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent. The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval.
'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.
'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily towards the back seat. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter.
'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretense and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America. There have been a lot of problems.' The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.
Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view mirror, wondering what she was thinking. Her mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.
'Hello Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.'
Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.
'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the Ancient Relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.'
Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend. 'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!'
The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence. The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof. The old woman got out of the back seat and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.
'Ma, I'll wait outside. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense.
The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick. She knelt down solemnly and whispered her now-familiar daily prayer to the gods.
'Thank you, God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh (dialect for Caucasian man).
'Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says. She lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness.
'I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.
'What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.'
The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes.
Finally, with her head bowed in reverence, she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smouldering ashes. She bowed once more.
The old woman had been praying for her daughter for 32 years. When her abdomen was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son.
Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably a girl.
Her husband had kicked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.
Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted. Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man.
She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen.
She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood. She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl, to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu (old-fashioned in Chinese). She wanted her mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it.
Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood, faceless, with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.
Her daughter had forgotten her mother's values. Her wants were so ephemeral; that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques, and yet her daughter had not found true happiness.
The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter leaves the earth, everything she has will count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman, but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.
The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter; now she had only one want: that her daughter be happy. She looked out of the temple gate. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry.
Being at the top is not good, the woman thought. There is only one way to go from there - down. The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon (rice vermicelli) in front of the altar.
Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too - idols of wealth, success and power that she was enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life. Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her, and leave her an empty soulless shell at the altar.
The old lady watched her joss stick. The dull heat had left a teetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing. Modern women nowadays, the old lady sighed in resignation, as she bowed to the east one final time to end her ritual. Modern women nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder why they cannot find it.
Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face. An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sow the seeds of happiness.
They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not as fast as she had done before.
'Ma,' Bee Choo finally said. 'I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to find a buyer willing to pay seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road. Once we move in to our apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves...'
The old woman nodded knowingly.
Bee Choo swallowed hard. 'We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out - but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and besides that, the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a home. There's one near Hougang, it's a Christian home, a very nice one.'
The old woman did not raise an eyebrow.
'I've been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! I hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there. You'd be happier there, really.' Her daughter repeated as if to affirm herself.
This time, the old woman had no plastic bag of food offerings to cling tightly to; she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag, and her fingers traced the white seat.
'Ma?' her daughter asked, searching the rear view mirror for her mother. 'Is everything okay?'
What had to be done, had to be done. 'Yes,' she said firmly, louder than she intended. 'If it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.
'It's for you Ma! You'll be happier there. You can move there tomorrow. I already got the maid to pack your things,' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda.
'I knew everything would be fine.'
Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier. She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now.
She had everything a modern woman ever wanted: money, status, career, love, power and now, freedom, without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down - yes, she was free.
Her phone buzzed urgently; she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. 'Stocks 10-per-cent increase!' Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her...
And while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her handphone screen, the old woman in the back seat became invisible, and she did not see the tears.
Last-minute effort turns in prize essay
RGS girl's winning piece was 2-hour rush job to finish homework
By Serene Luo
IT WAS homework.
'I don't claim to know about modern women because I am not one yet. The characters are based on my own perceptions.' -- AMANDA CHONG (LEFT) -- WANG HUI FEN
Two weeks before Chinese New Year this year, Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen's teacher had assigned an essay as homework. The night before it was due, the 15-year-old was cracking her brains, wondering what to write.
Inspiration struck, and she also had a little help from Amy Tan's book on mother-daughter relationships, The Joy Luck Club. In two hours, she was done.
That effort won the Secondary 3 student from Raffles Girls' School the top prize in the Commonwealth Essay Competition, which has been running for over 100 years.
More than 5,300 entries were received in this year's competition, which was organised by the Royal Commonwealth Society.
No one was more surprised than Amanda herself, who did not know even know about the competition.
'When the head of department for English walked into my class and called me to the front of the class, I was like 'Oh no, what did I do wrong?' Then she told the class that I had won.
'I was really surprised,' said the student, who says she usually scores about 27 out of 30 for her English essays.
She won £500 (S$1,560) and will donate $500 to help needy students in her school.
While she has not decided what to do with the rest of the money, she said her friends have asked her for a treat, saying she can now afford to buy 'millions of tacos'.
Amanda's essay, What The Modern Woman Wants, is a poignant piece about a career woman who is blessed with success in love, career and life, but doesn't have a soul. She eventually casts off her aged, traditional mother.
But Amanda says she's not out to anger career women.
'I don't claim to know about modern women, because I'm not one yet,' she said.
'The characters and situations are based on my perceptions of the world and what I see happening in society.'
She says Bee Choo, the modern woman in her story, is 'a caricature, an intensified stereotype'.
'But that's precisely the point that I wanted to discuss - the stereotype,' she said.
'I think a real mum wouldn't be so passive and won't let herself be thrown out without a fight.'
The co-treasurer of her school's English Language Drama Society said the dramatic side of her enjoyed writing the dialogue and the part where the daughter flung her mobile phone at her mother.
'A German lady e-mailed me after I had won, saying that she cried when she read my story,' she said. 'She said her mother had died the year before.'
Amanda hopes to become a lawyer, like her father, and perhaps a politician.
'I think you can have both success and a soul,' she said.
'Life is not about chasing after stuff, and getting caught up in your own success and forgetting others.'
Now I am an absolutely critical person. (Alright ser don't be too uptight about your article. hahaz) I think that her writing skills are great, of a much much higher level than me, though I am 3 years older than she is. She described the modern woman today which is very true in reality. Everything she said make very much sense. About people today not being able to 'yin shui si yuan', people tend to forget their roots, etc. I was impressed by her article until this part that she started to use Chinese in her essay. No, I am not against Chinese in an English essay, don't be mistaken. She used the word "nengkan", and it was this one word, this very word that makes me lose confidence or rather lose the good impression of this entire essay. I am a perfectionist, which I don't deny. Of course I am not going to fault her cos' her hanyu pinyin is wrong, cos' I believe that not everyone has hanyu pinyin drilled well into their heads by their primary school teacher like my teacher did. Cos' hanyu pinyin wasn't really a large component of the exam. Okie, not that her hanyu pinyin is wrong, but her misuse of the word in the essay. She used it as a noun in the essay, but 'nenggan' is a verb. "caigan" is the better word to use. Set me off thinking, after all that she has said, about not forgetting our roots, is she one that will remember her own? Just because the Commonwealth people don't know the real meaning of the Chinese word, oh well.
And I am not one who is fond of reading success stories of talented people. Getting 27/30 for her essays especially in a school like RGS, it's not a wonder that she can win the Commonwealth competition. I am, of course, more interested in success stories of ordinary people. Because I am an ordinary person. But I will not deny the success of talented people, because they are the pillars of society, and they keep the standard of our economy and everything else up.
Not that I am extremely critical, it just suddenly striked a lot of thinking in me when I read the article.
Hi.
I have finally reached POP. This is their POP, though it feels a bit like my 2nd POP. They have passed out, and even the sign on people won't go back till december for JNCO. Just like me. That's why the passing out feelings lies in me.
The pres JY did was very nice. Now as I looked at their photos, made me realise again that they have grown and matured over the years, ever since I took them as an instructor in Sec1. Time flies. Made me feel so old. I have took them for 3 years.
Actually I don't feel any sad feelings. In fact I am quite happy to see that the kids I took for 3 years grow to become such a capable squad. Last night I didn't sleep much, 1.5 hours maybe. They gave us a bottle of notes each, where each person wrote and rolled it up, putting it in a bottle. And invited us to watch their video, quite touching, but instead of sadness that arose in me, I feel happiness. They actually made an effort to make a video of their very own, and show it during their own POP night. The many things they did as a squad and the going ons of their past year as an instructor has taught them a lot, to become a better person and learn things that can be useful to their life in society.
POP was okie on the whole, just that the parade was a flop. It's over though. I have learnt another valuable lesson in life. It's through failures that you will truly learn.
Reminded me of my very own squad. Though we were not as close in terms of a squad as a whole, my classmates cum squadmates, my NA and AA, and a few others, were close friends, some even close sisters/brothers. POP always brings back memories.
Now that I have 'passed out', really not very qi guan to settle for life without any speck of SJ. Though it's time to start piaing. 2 months to prelims. Not a very short time. I want 3 As. Even if not, I want As in Physics and Cmaths, and hopefully a B in Fmath. GP, expectations not very high, I just want a B3.
This squad, no matter whether they like me or not, they were worth my time and effort. Though sometimes me or even JY have felt doubt whether our efforts are worth it, juggling btw our CMC posts and this SMC post, but I believe that in both of our hearts, we know it's worth it.
Take care, Std 4s. Hope to see most of the 15 of you this coming JNCO.
I have finally reached POP. This is their POP, though it feels a bit like my 2nd POP. They have passed out, and even the sign on people won't go back till december for JNCO. Just like me. That's why the passing out feelings lies in me.
The pres JY did was very nice. Now as I looked at their photos, made me realise again that they have grown and matured over the years, ever since I took them as an instructor in Sec1. Time flies. Made me feel so old. I have took them for 3 years.
Actually I don't feel any sad feelings. In fact I am quite happy to see that the kids I took for 3 years grow to become such a capable squad. Last night I didn't sleep much, 1.5 hours maybe. They gave us a bottle of notes each, where each person wrote and rolled it up, putting it in a bottle. And invited us to watch their video, quite touching, but instead of sadness that arose in me, I feel happiness. They actually made an effort to make a video of their very own, and show it during their own POP night. The many things they did as a squad and the going ons of their past year as an instructor has taught them a lot, to become a better person and learn things that can be useful to their life in society.
POP was okie on the whole, just that the parade was a flop. It's over though. I have learnt another valuable lesson in life. It's through failures that you will truly learn.
Reminded me of my very own squad. Though we were not as close in terms of a squad as a whole, my classmates cum squadmates, my NA and AA, and a few others, were close friends, some even close sisters/brothers. POP always brings back memories.
Now that I have 'passed out', really not very qi guan to settle for life without any speck of SJ. Though it's time to start piaing. 2 months to prelims. Not a very short time. I want 3 As. Even if not, I want As in Physics and Cmaths, and hopefully a B in Fmath. GP, expectations not very high, I just want a B3.
This squad, no matter whether they like me or not, they were worth my time and effort. Though sometimes me or even JY have felt doubt whether our efforts are worth it, juggling btw our CMC posts and this SMC post, but I believe that in both of our hearts, we know it's worth it.
Take care, Std 4s. Hope to see most of the 15 of you this coming JNCO.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
[Music] Yong Qi ~ Fish Leong ~ Fly Away ~ Ting Bu Dao
So busy that I didn't update for so long. Hao bu rong yi then got time to come here. Busy about. POP as usual. I am not about to talk about the problems, or else will talk till tml morning. So tired. Got reprimanded last night, a bit sad, but it's all right. Life is a learning process.
Luckily JY helped by doing most of the Std 4 gifts or I should say all of it. Lately is tired solely with POP, no need to talk about homework. Lagging behind like shit. Total crap. But JCT still not so bad, considering I started 3 days before exams started. DOB, C6. Neck aches. A bit of head aches. Think never sleep in proper position last night.
No refund for Econs. sadz.
Need somewhere to relax these days. See if anyone wanna pei me play pool. Ohz. No money. I am such a spend thrift. It's deficit 25 bucks le.
The mark of the pimple just wouldn't go away. And my fringe super curl. And I thinking of ear holes. Vanity.
Too tired. I must do some tutorial tonight. Or else I die le. one math lag by 3 tutorials, another lag by 1.5 . And physics lag by a few questions. I am lagging.
My comp is lagging. Totally driving me to my grave le. Sianz. My dear diary, tell me today I won't need to call people up. Rather impossible. I just thought of someone to call le. SIANZ.
I wan my bed. My mouth is super dry. I hate sore throat. Where's my teddy bear? There goes, I am nuts. You will never guess this is a diary of an eighteen-year-old.
So busy that I didn't update for so long. Hao bu rong yi then got time to come here. Busy about. POP as usual. I am not about to talk about the problems, or else will talk till tml morning. So tired. Got reprimanded last night, a bit sad, but it's all right. Life is a learning process.
Luckily JY helped by doing most of the Std 4 gifts or I should say all of it. Lately is tired solely with POP, no need to talk about homework. Lagging behind like shit. Total crap. But JCT still not so bad, considering I started 3 days before exams started. DOB, C6. Neck aches. A bit of head aches. Think never sleep in proper position last night.
No refund for Econs. sadz.
Need somewhere to relax these days. See if anyone wanna pei me play pool. Ohz. No money. I am such a spend thrift. It's deficit 25 bucks le.
The mark of the pimple just wouldn't go away. And my fringe super curl. And I thinking of ear holes. Vanity.
Too tired. I must do some tutorial tonight. Or else I die le. one math lag by 3 tutorials, another lag by 1.5 . And physics lag by a few questions. I am lagging.
My comp is lagging. Totally driving me to my grave le. Sianz. My dear diary, tell me today I won't need to call people up. Rather impossible. I just thought of someone to call le. SIANZ.
I wan my bed. My mouth is super dry. I hate sore throat. Where's my teddy bear? There goes, I am nuts. You will never guess this is a diary of an eighteen-year-old.
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Haha. Firstly thanks for all the messages that Esthie posted. Haha. SJ seniors are mostly unattached cos' they are stuck with SJ? Hrmz.... *raises eyebrow
Anyway. Today is a busy day. Went to lecture, finished the whole buoyancy lecture in one hour (wow). Then back to dhs, where I sat in for about 15 minutes of the JNCo briefing. Then comes interview with the 2 guys, and JY said something about my squad people though never sign on still helps in other ways. Hrm. I was thinking in what ways? (Other than that time fish help with the ALC gifts.)
Then comes parade. At first I see the drill going to die le. But gradually they improved. Not bad le. As long as they don't cock up on the day. At least the slow march and stuff is okie. Yikes. I never shout command for a lonnng time le. Keep shouting too early this time. Haha. I am not good at footdrill. To think last time I wanted to be footdrill HOD. Haha.
Then comes dinner. Dinner with NA, AA and Audris, excluding Wei Chee cos' he got tuition. Ate at Cafe Cartel. At first saw the NA talking secretly all the time, think they going to treat me and Audris ice cream. When Laura took my bag then I realised that they wanna pay for my whole meal. Crappy. Though as much as I don't really like being treated. But I know there's no way I can avoid this anyway, and I am seriously broke. The fire burned a hole in my wallet and I am currently running a deficit. Still have to buy or make Std4s a present, just remembered when I read JY's journal yest. Oh no... I have been so damn busy that I forgot all about it.
And this week my mum bought the foot reflexology thing, plus ankle socks for me. This is nuts. Did we discover some gold mine under our house or something? I think this is destressing technique. I have no idea.
Today I still need to collate attendance. And do POP stuff. Oops. Quite late. Seeya.
Anyway. Today is a busy day. Went to lecture, finished the whole buoyancy lecture in one hour (wow). Then back to dhs, where I sat in for about 15 minutes of the JNCo briefing. Then comes interview with the 2 guys, and JY said something about my squad people though never sign on still helps in other ways. Hrm. I was thinking in what ways? (Other than that time fish help with the ALC gifts.)
Then comes parade. At first I see the drill going to die le. But gradually they improved. Not bad le. As long as they don't cock up on the day. At least the slow march and stuff is okie. Yikes. I never shout command for a lonnng time le. Keep shouting too early this time. Haha. I am not good at footdrill. To think last time I wanted to be footdrill HOD. Haha.
Then comes dinner. Dinner with NA, AA and Audris, excluding Wei Chee cos' he got tuition. Ate at Cafe Cartel. At first saw the NA talking secretly all the time, think they going to treat me and Audris ice cream. When Laura took my bag then I realised that they wanna pay for my whole meal. Crappy. Though as much as I don't really like being treated. But I know there's no way I can avoid this anyway, and I am seriously broke. The fire burned a hole in my wallet and I am currently running a deficit. Still have to buy or make Std4s a present, just remembered when I read JY's journal yest. Oh no... I have been so damn busy that I forgot all about it.
And this week my mum bought the foot reflexology thing, plus ankle socks for me. This is nuts. Did we discover some gold mine under our house or something? I think this is destressing technique. I have no idea.
Today I still need to collate attendance. And do POP stuff. Oops. Quite late. Seeya.
Friday, July 09, 2004
I suck. Okie, the previous curse from the previous entry pls direct them all to me. Not my bear. I want my bear in a piece.
All my fault. Always fall asleep. WHY. Everyone in the hell can do homework. Everyone started to work hard. Everyone stopped slacking and did their tutorials. Me? Forget it.
I am so sianz. Tml got physics lecture. Then go back dhs. Interview. Then lunch. Then parade rehearsal. Then dinner with NA. Saturdays have become so mechanical have they? So routine?
Still glad that I am a zuo bo za bo for JNCO. Cos' if I still gotta juggle with advisor after POP, I am going crazy.
I have been eating like a pig nowadays. Chips after dinner, snacks after lunch. I am a fat idiot. No amt of PE keeps me fit at this rate. I suck.
Just written in my organiser. Got a million work to do this weekend.
Wasted my time singing Fish Leong's songs away. I wanted to sing out every work that I have, isn't it great if singing helps me complete my homework.
Pls don't behead my bear. Just let all the promise that I broken land on me okie? My poor bear.
Did I mention that there was Kindachi's TV series at 2.30p.m.? I wished I can watch the next one. The one that I missed. About the butterflies. Should be monday. Yeah school end early.
Okie. Bathing time you dirty woman.
[Prayer for the girl who's sick] Dear Lord, pls bless her and make her well enough for her exams tomorrow, let her fever subside to allow her to study. She is improving, she's trying her best. Pls give her the chance to prove herself in her studies. I believe that all the effort she put in will pay off at her O's. She can do it if only you give her the chance. Allow her to do well, help her to do well in her O's, so that she will gain self confidence, so that she can minimise whatever depression she may be going through, or even bring her the happiness that she have not experienced for a long time. Guide her along this right path, and help her onto the path that she chooses. She can do it. There have been many miracles that you have created, many impossibles that you have made possible. Aid her. Bless her. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
All my fault. Always fall asleep. WHY. Everyone in the hell can do homework. Everyone started to work hard. Everyone stopped slacking and did their tutorials. Me? Forget it.
I am so sianz. Tml got physics lecture. Then go back dhs. Interview. Then lunch. Then parade rehearsal. Then dinner with NA. Saturdays have become so mechanical have they? So routine?
Still glad that I am a zuo bo za bo for JNCO. Cos' if I still gotta juggle with advisor after POP, I am going crazy.
I have been eating like a pig nowadays. Chips after dinner, snacks after lunch. I am a fat idiot. No amt of PE keeps me fit at this rate. I suck.
Just written in my organiser. Got a million work to do this weekend.
Wasted my time singing Fish Leong's songs away. I wanted to sing out every work that I have, isn't it great if singing helps me complete my homework.
Pls don't behead my bear. Just let all the promise that I broken land on me okie? My poor bear.
Did I mention that there was Kindachi's TV series at 2.30p.m.? I wished I can watch the next one. The one that I missed. About the butterflies. Should be monday. Yeah school end early.
Okie. Bathing time you dirty woman.
[Prayer for the girl who's sick] Dear Lord, pls bless her and make her well enough for her exams tomorrow, let her fever subside to allow her to study. She is improving, she's trying her best. Pls give her the chance to prove herself in her studies. I believe that all the effort she put in will pay off at her O's. She can do it if only you give her the chance. Allow her to do well, help her to do well in her O's, so that she will gain self confidence, so that she can minimise whatever depression she may be going through, or even bring her the happiness that she have not experienced for a long time. Guide her along this right path, and help her onto the path that she chooses. She can do it. There have been many miracles that you have created, many impossibles that you have made possible. Aid her. Bless her. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Hrm. Common test results.
I got a B for Cmath, D for Physics, and Fmath and GP haven't come back yet. Fmath, half returned. 10/50. Not so disappointed yet, cos' this is the section I don't know how to do. But I can't help feeling damn stupid because I probably got the lowest in class. And I hate being last in class. And I hate doing badly for anything. Maybe I am a perfectionist.
Went to watch their parade rehearsal eventually. Wasn't very productive as Sheng Lian got held up and only managed to conduct the drill for 40 minutes? As usual, TJ and it's stupid last minute stuff. I also reached there at about the same time as she did. Oh well, drill standard wasn't too good. Hope it will improve on Saturday.
Heard from Sheng Lian her results. Very bad. I was too much 'indulged' in good grades, or you can say even 35 is a good grade compared to her results, so indulged that I never thought, never imagined that anyone will get so low marks for all their subjects. I think I have degraded myself by too much each time I do 'badly' for an exam, like getting a O? On the other hand, I cannot compare myself to her. She has one more year to go. I have 2 more months. It's a totally different scenario. I am very much shocked. I guess I really want to help her with her math, perhaps when she got more time? She really need some coaching. People from DHS can't be too stupid right. I think there's a way to reverse the situation. She just needs more attention and a slower paced tutor to suit her learning. And more practice.
Sounds like what I should do also. Should start doing the crap corrections for fmath Section A. Means I have to finish all the questions. In 2 days. Haiz. This is called, only know how to say others, but never lead by example.
Yest JY realised I was reading his journal regularly, haha, say no wonder he don't feel safe anymore. Oops. I just don't seem to give a damn about my journal. And use it like a crap place to vent out my thoughts. Whatever I was thinking. At least I feel like I have thrown everything out and can feel cheerful again for the start of the next day. Sounds crap, but it's true for me. Especially when I don't have many close friends to begin with. And not many people can stand me talking about SJ 3/4 the time I am with them. And I am really a big chatterbox to begin with. Sometimes to the extent that people find me irritating? I dunno. And I haven't got any other topics to talk to them about. I don't read nor watch the news, nor am I a huge fan of bands and pop stars. My topics, is either about my friends, SJ, or school. I am a very simple person.
Today was chatting with SL about guys, talking about why SJ guys are mostly unattached. Realised that throughout the whole senior cohort, perhaps Jian Li is the only guy attached? And Yee Kian, Yuzhen and JIayi are the only girls attached? My, and SJ is full of guys and girls that are unattached, with good nature. And character. Sounds like a perfect place to seek a match if you can't find a mate. Was joking that while asking the Std4s about signing on, should actually ask them whether they are attached. LOL. JOIN the SINGLES family, the senior cohort! LOL. Sounds like a hun ying jie shao suo. LAME. And guys here are of good looks, character, etc. LOL. Girls well. See for yourself.
I was being superbly lame. Don't bother about me. Like my nick suggests. I am going nuts.
Oh yah. I realised I have been getting some Junyang Syndrome. Today I was damn pissed off when I looked at their drill session. Cos' they are not treating it like a drill session, more like a circus practice session. Laughing and moving around in squad. What kind of discipline is this? Is this a circus or a uniformed group? Was not about to go and scold them, cos' I thought they would probably drill worse, and I just don't want to waste too much time scolding. Only 40 minutes. And don't wanna chup into Sheng Lian's session, feel like I am chupping too much. And Yan An almost made me burst a blood vessel with the way he march. Arms overshot, berhenti when others have banged a second before him. And breaking every other rule that is in the footdrill manual. But I must ren. Cannot chup with the Yr1s. JY is right. Watching them and not chupping is an even greater agony. Hrm, I am starting to behave and think like him? The syndrome. Bad.
Okie. Case closed for now. Need to bathe. Start on my corrections. Don't FALL ASLEEP YOU PIG. You DO NOT FALL ASLEEP. YOU WILL NOT. YOU CANNOT. AND YOU SHALL NOT. If you do, my teddy's neck will be wrung off. WAH WAD A SCARY PROMISE! My bear.
I got a B for Cmath, D for Physics, and Fmath and GP haven't come back yet. Fmath, half returned. 10/50. Not so disappointed yet, cos' this is the section I don't know how to do. But I can't help feeling damn stupid because I probably got the lowest in class. And I hate being last in class. And I hate doing badly for anything. Maybe I am a perfectionist.
Went to watch their parade rehearsal eventually. Wasn't very productive as Sheng Lian got held up and only managed to conduct the drill for 40 minutes? As usual, TJ and it's stupid last minute stuff. I also reached there at about the same time as she did. Oh well, drill standard wasn't too good. Hope it will improve on Saturday.
Heard from Sheng Lian her results. Very bad. I was too much 'indulged' in good grades, or you can say even 35 is a good grade compared to her results, so indulged that I never thought, never imagined that anyone will get so low marks for all their subjects. I think I have degraded myself by too much each time I do 'badly' for an exam, like getting a O? On the other hand, I cannot compare myself to her. She has one more year to go. I have 2 more months. It's a totally different scenario. I am very much shocked. I guess I really want to help her with her math, perhaps when she got more time? She really need some coaching. People from DHS can't be too stupid right. I think there's a way to reverse the situation. She just needs more attention and a slower paced tutor to suit her learning. And more practice.
Sounds like what I should do also. Should start doing the crap corrections for fmath Section A. Means I have to finish all the questions. In 2 days. Haiz. This is called, only know how to say others, but never lead by example.
Yest JY realised I was reading his journal regularly, haha, say no wonder he don't feel safe anymore. Oops. I just don't seem to give a damn about my journal. And use it like a crap place to vent out my thoughts. Whatever I was thinking. At least I feel like I have thrown everything out and can feel cheerful again for the start of the next day. Sounds crap, but it's true for me. Especially when I don't have many close friends to begin with. And not many people can stand me talking about SJ 3/4 the time I am with them. And I am really a big chatterbox to begin with. Sometimes to the extent that people find me irritating? I dunno. And I haven't got any other topics to talk to them about. I don't read nor watch the news, nor am I a huge fan of bands and pop stars. My topics, is either about my friends, SJ, or school. I am a very simple person.
Today was chatting with SL about guys, talking about why SJ guys are mostly unattached. Realised that throughout the whole senior cohort, perhaps Jian Li is the only guy attached? And Yee Kian, Yuzhen and JIayi are the only girls attached? My, and SJ is full of guys and girls that are unattached, with good nature. And character. Sounds like a perfect place to seek a match if you can't find a mate. Was joking that while asking the Std4s about signing on, should actually ask them whether they are attached. LOL. JOIN the SINGLES family, the senior cohort! LOL. Sounds like a hun ying jie shao suo. LAME. And guys here are of good looks, character, etc. LOL. Girls well. See for yourself.
I was being superbly lame. Don't bother about me. Like my nick suggests. I am going nuts.
Oh yah. I realised I have been getting some Junyang Syndrome. Today I was damn pissed off when I looked at their drill session. Cos' they are not treating it like a drill session, more like a circus practice session. Laughing and moving around in squad. What kind of discipline is this? Is this a circus or a uniformed group? Was not about to go and scold them, cos' I thought they would probably drill worse, and I just don't want to waste too much time scolding. Only 40 minutes. And don't wanna chup into Sheng Lian's session, feel like I am chupping too much. And Yan An almost made me burst a blood vessel with the way he march. Arms overshot, berhenti when others have banged a second before him. And breaking every other rule that is in the footdrill manual. But I must ren. Cannot chup with the Yr1s. JY is right. Watching them and not chupping is an even greater agony. Hrm, I am starting to behave and think like him? The syndrome. Bad.
Okie. Case closed for now. Need to bathe. Start on my corrections. Don't FALL ASLEEP YOU PIG. You DO NOT FALL ASLEEP. YOU WILL NOT. YOU CANNOT. AND YOU SHALL NOT. If you do, my teddy's neck will be wrung off. WAH WAD A SCARY PROMISE! My bear.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
Hrm. Now for today's blog. Finally had some time to type it. After an hour and half dinner plus relaxation time (TV), rushing to send a routine order, and bathing. Settled down at 9.15 p.m.
Started watching another show. Or should I watch luo sheng. Haha. My determination to do tutorial and understand is gone again. So tired. Should I go tml to oversee the drill rehearsal? Dunno. I just don't feel like moving from this spot right now, give me the feeling that I won't wanna go tml. Yet I am afraid they will conduct it horribly enough to get the Std4s worked up again. Didn't talk to them about human relations, didn't heed jy's advice. Cos' I really dunno how to start telling them, like you don't suddenly tell them that they are no good in human relations and should improve in what area right? Sounds a bit weird. I am not good in human relations myself also. Crappy. What position am I in to criticise others? Or correct others?
Aiyah, talk so much, still worried about tml. Should I pon FAU? See got anot first. Hrm. See how I feel tml. See I shuang anot. Aiyah. Must understand Matrices tonight. Must start tutorial tonight. I go watch TV first. =P
Thanks another person for asking me to relax tonight.
Started watching another show. Or should I watch luo sheng. Haha. My determination to do tutorial and understand is gone again. So tired. Should I go tml to oversee the drill rehearsal? Dunno. I just don't feel like moving from this spot right now, give me the feeling that I won't wanna go tml. Yet I am afraid they will conduct it horribly enough to get the Std4s worked up again. Didn't talk to them about human relations, didn't heed jy's advice. Cos' I really dunno how to start telling them, like you don't suddenly tell them that they are no good in human relations and should improve in what area right? Sounds a bit weird. I am not good in human relations myself also. Crappy. What position am I in to criticise others? Or correct others?
Aiyah, talk so much, still worried about tml. Should I pon FAU? See got anot first. Hrm. See how I feel tml. See I shuang anot. Aiyah. Must understand Matrices tonight. Must start tutorial tonight. I go watch TV first. =P
Thanks another person for asking me to relax tonight.
Monday, July 05, 2004
Just watched finish my fav tv show everyday, lie huo xiong xin 2 on channel u.
But I feel weird. Not happy that I finished watching my fav tv. It's that feeling again. In the stomach. You don't know what. It's not disappointment this time. Something, you can't figure out what it is.
As I sat down on the chair, I realised that everything on the table is about POP. At least half of my SMS is about POP. I have been calling, emailing and SMSing all day, it's all about POP. Every feeling I experienced in the past few days, at least half is cos' of POP.
I never believed that I should should ever dedicate so much to my CCA. Oh man, now comes a MSN msg that's to do with POP. Why is POP affecting me so much? It's taking over my life. I want to have some life. Some life of my own. Although I am not doing much about POP, seems like... I dunno. That feeling make me so tired of this project.
Haiz JY and Marc are arguing about the wordings of the invitation. I can't be bothered le. Everything sounds fine to me. Haiz.
HAIZ. Tomorrow don't feel like start of school. Tml feel like it's start of POP intensive prep and Std4 intensive prep on evaluations and signing on. And tml got PE. Intensive physical training. It's the start of intensive WORK.
But I feel weird. Not happy that I finished watching my fav tv. It's that feeling again. In the stomach. You don't know what. It's not disappointment this time. Something, you can't figure out what it is.
As I sat down on the chair, I realised that everything on the table is about POP. At least half of my SMS is about POP. I have been calling, emailing and SMSing all day, it's all about POP. Every feeling I experienced in the past few days, at least half is cos' of POP.
I never believed that I should should ever dedicate so much to my CCA. Oh man, now comes a MSN msg that's to do with POP. Why is POP affecting me so much? It's taking over my life. I want to have some life. Some life of my own. Although I am not doing much about POP, seems like... I dunno. That feeling make me so tired of this project.
Haiz JY and Marc are arguing about the wordings of the invitation. I can't be bothered le. Everything sounds fine to me. Haiz.
HAIZ. Tomorrow don't feel like start of school. Tml feel like it's start of POP intensive prep and Std4 intensive prep on evaluations and signing on. And tml got PE. Intensive physical training. It's the start of intensive WORK.
Nice thing this is. Thanks Serene for the site on Jap name generator. I never knew my name was so nice!
Cool.
My japanese name is 井上 Inoue (upon a well) 愛恵 Itoe (bless with love).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Cool.
I think I should become a Christian. Haha, so that I have a reason to fast for 12 hours and save money. Then there won't be financial crisis. Haha, joking CE.
I have decided. That I am a nut. A walnut. So that I can hold on to the wall and sleep, not caring about anything. Haha. I am nuts. Listening to songs are soooo great. I also like doggies. My cutie doggie.
Tomorrow. Wonders what papers will be back. The first paper. Cmaths! Then will come physics. Fmath will take longer. GP, next week perhaps. So all the good news will come first, the tong ku will come later. xian tian hou ku. So dao mei.
I think I am better off as a silent freak, don't talk and let them do their stuff. Talk when something happens. Then they will learn huh. Perhaps my presence is not taken for granted then.
Hrm. I am thankful to the person who sent me the email. Made me feel better. Thank you.
I love Fish Leong too. I want her CD! Haha.
2 more weeks to mug for SJ. 2 more weeks to end my job for the next few months. 2 more weeks to 'retiring'. 2 more weeks to the POP of the squad I signed on for. These next 2 weeks is so important, yet so busy, happy that I am 'released', sad that they are passing out, feelings are churned up in my stomach. Don't know which to feel for, what to feel now. What are feelings? According to scientists, it's something felt by the nerves, according to psychologists, it's something emitted by the mind? For me, is it something from the stomach, or from the heart? There's a weird feeling in the stomach. Why is it when you are nervous, you 'feel butterflies in your stomach?'
Okie I am nuts.
I have decided. That I am a nut. A walnut. So that I can hold on to the wall and sleep, not caring about anything. Haha. I am nuts. Listening to songs are soooo great. I also like doggies. My cutie doggie.
Tomorrow. Wonders what papers will be back. The first paper. Cmaths! Then will come physics. Fmath will take longer. GP, next week perhaps. So all the good news will come first, the tong ku will come later. xian tian hou ku. So dao mei.
I think I am better off as a silent freak, don't talk and let them do their stuff. Talk when something happens. Then they will learn huh. Perhaps my presence is not taken for granted then.
Hrm. I am thankful to the person who sent me the email. Made me feel better. Thank you.
I love Fish Leong too. I want her CD! Haha.
2 more weeks to mug for SJ. 2 more weeks to end my job for the next few months. 2 more weeks to 'retiring'. 2 more weeks to the POP of the squad I signed on for. These next 2 weeks is so important, yet so busy, happy that I am 'released', sad that they are passing out, feelings are churned up in my stomach. Don't know which to feel for, what to feel now. What are feelings? According to scientists, it's something felt by the nerves, according to psychologists, it's something emitted by the mind? For me, is it something from the stomach, or from the heart? There's a weird feeling in the stomach. Why is it when you are nervous, you 'feel butterflies in your stomach?'
Okie I am nuts.
Received an email today from someone. Do know that there's some misunderstanding somewhere. I don't want to find out whose fault it is, because if I do, I am going to scold either sides, and it's not going to help since both parties are the most important people in this planning of POP. So for now, I just have to let it be, let everyone do their job and be happy with each other. Rather than having POP to flop.
Even if I do know the misunderstanding, I can't help feeling disappointed. Like I said, not purely in the Std4s, but also with the committee, with the Yr1s. And disappointment with myself for choosing the wrong words to say during the session. Oh well. Disappointment fills my heart and soul.
Tired of chasing Yr1s for stuff. Tired of trying to make everyone happy. Now I learn a new thing from a project, and I wonder is it a good thing to learn: As an OIC of the project, one of your main objectives is to make everyone happy.
My doggie is still the best. The head is heavier than the body, keep tilting down. The white fur around the mouth sure become super grey. haa
Even if I do know the misunderstanding, I can't help feeling disappointed. Like I said, not purely in the Std4s, but also with the committee, with the Yr1s. And disappointment with myself for choosing the wrong words to say during the session. Oh well. Disappointment fills my heart and soul.
Tired of chasing Yr1s for stuff. Tired of trying to make everyone happy. Now I learn a new thing from a project, and I wonder is it a good thing to learn: As an OIC of the project, one of your main objectives is to make everyone happy.
My doggie is still the best. The head is heavier than the body, keep tilting down. The white fur around the mouth sure become super grey. haa
Sunday, July 04, 2004
Waddahell. Now, seniors said that they could not hold the parade rehearsal on saturday because they have to hold auditions? If I find out this is true I am going to kill whoever said that. Auditions end at 3.30p.m., why can't rehearsals continue? If I find out that people have been putting words into 'seniors' mouths, I am also going to flare up.
Right. Hectic week it is, it was 2 weeks' notice, why didn't they do it last week in the hols? When they know that they are going to have lots of things on the first week? And you can't rehearse without the whole squad, can't find a day in the week? What crap is this when they haven't even finish the script on Thursday? I am disturbed by their mails, with all the contradictory statements that they make, and with statements that I don't even know whether my POP department members did tell them, and I am PLAIN SIANZ. DISTURBED. Whatever.
Right perhaps I am wrong to say that they didn't want to have POP, and I was wrong to have said anything 'complaining' during the session, and perhaps I am even wrong that I accused them of not making an effort for POP. Alright. I am in the wrong. I SUX.
Screaming HELPS to destress. Agree with JY. ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSOnxdfsdkfmsoijdal,xlznsdamdlsdkjfcdcvfhiejioeruhfrmgiurhdidotiosdusafnsoidjiomfiofnlmxlm sdbfjk 4rjioey8932hjrsef89dsjcklfnnsfodihsodmsofhdoadmljswhfcioseou38974897w4oijfsddfnjsdnccnsdgvghn'hldjkghdufitheprtj
I SUX
sdfhsjkcfusncisdjp;sm;;;FNDKSHEIMJRURBGTDFJKHVUGADNUEIWHDMSKLFHDBDFNWEUIDFHUIDSBFJaqheui3jrnnf8w349y4nh;h'asem[.dfg,dpf.jkhbviu
Songz.
Right. Hectic week it is, it was 2 weeks' notice, why didn't they do it last week in the hols? When they know that they are going to have lots of things on the first week? And you can't rehearse without the whole squad, can't find a day in the week? What crap is this when they haven't even finish the script on Thursday? I am disturbed by their mails, with all the contradictory statements that they make, and with statements that I don't even know whether my POP department members did tell them, and I am PLAIN SIANZ. DISTURBED. Whatever.
Right perhaps I am wrong to say that they didn't want to have POP, and I was wrong to have said anything 'complaining' during the session, and perhaps I am even wrong that I accused them of not making an effort for POP. Alright. I am in the wrong. I SUX.
Screaming HELPS to destress. Agree with JY. ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSOnxdfsdkfmsoijdal,xlznsdamdlsdkjfcdcvfhiejioeruhfrmgiurhdidotiosdusafnsoidjiomfiofnlmxlm sdbfjk 4rjioey8932hjrsef89dsjcklfnnsfodihsodmsofhdoadmljswhfcioseou38974897w4oijfsddfnjsdnccnsdgvghn'hldjkghdufitheprtj
I SUX
sdfhsjkcfusncisdjp;sm;;;FNDKSHEIMJRURBGTDFJKHVUGADNUEIWHDMSKLFHDBDFNWEUIDFHUIDSBFJaqheui3jrnnf8w349y4nh;h'asem[.dfg,dpf.jkhbviu
Songz.
Oh yeah, forgot to say, My post for JNCo is zuo bo za bo. haha. Next wk having JNCO first meeting with the Std2s? Hrm. Have to arrange interview with SS and Ben for signing on also. Must remember. Crap me. Bad memory, need DHA input. 10% comes true. There can be miracles, when you believe. I love Fish Leong! I like Forfan. I love my doggie! I am nuts. Tell me to go to hell. Throw me into the dustbin. I am nuts. Don't listen to my crap.
Why I like to crab "crap" so much on blogs? cos' I don't have people to crap to. The only person that listens to my crabs and give me crabs in return is..... ESTHER! haha. Honored? Must send me bdae greetings from Aust to repay me. SMS enough. We will buy pres for each other in december. LOL. My bdae pres are never early, so I don't mind it as late as december. Still wun break the record of XK giving me half a year later that dude. Haha.
I going to download songs. My face is currently damn oily, need to wash it. But i am just too lazy, so pimples pops out. Hrm, the word 'pimple' looks so cute. I AM GOING NUTS.
Why I like to crab "crap" so much on blogs? cos' I don't have people to crap to. The only person that listens to my crabs and give me crabs in return is..... ESTHER! haha. Honored? Must send me bdae greetings from Aust to repay me. SMS enough. We will buy pres for each other in december. LOL. My bdae pres are never early, so I don't mind it as late as december. Still wun break the record of XK giving me half a year later that dude. Haha.
I going to download songs. My face is currently damn oily, need to wash it. But i am just too lazy, so pimples pops out. Hrm, the word 'pimple' looks so cute. I AM GOING NUTS.
Went out with AL and BW. Had a nice shop, nice lunch at Kenny. Bought a CD for Wei2 and a sling bag for airen. Bought a doggie hp chain for myself. $5. Can't believe I bought it, but I did. Even though I had shortage of cash. Destress I guess. I am like my mum when I want to destress. Spend a lot, my mum just bought LCD TV for her room at thousand plus. She earns money, so that's a lot. I am a student, $5 is a lot. That cute little doggie. Grey to match my HP. SO CUTE.
Just now was itchy to buy COnverse pencil case also, luckily I have no money. Or else I will be munching bread for the next 2 weeks. Then saw a converse pouch, that was nice looking, had cushion at the back, and much bigger than the deuter one I saw. I was so tempted to switch my choice of pouch to that one, as it's my favourite blue color. But I went over to deuter's side, with the lifetime guarantee thing, and though it's smaller, girls should not bring too big pouches, and deuter's one is more comfortable cushion. I am again decided that the deuter one is better.
Felt better, not so sad, cos' didn't go out with SJ people so no need to talk about my unhappiness. IMportance of social life outside SJ. Yest Loong asked me whether I was staying on. I just said I dunno. Haha, more and more things points to me that I shouldn't, why is this happening when I have to make a choice? Why last year don't have such a feeling? Don't know, maybe it's Fate calling for me to get out. I don't work well with these new batches of people, whether is it Yr1s, or izzit the incoming Yr1s. Perhaps it's time for me to leave. Still thinking hard. Still 5 more months to decide. Take it slowly manz.
Cute doggie. Smile all my troubles away. Gotta start saving to make myself happy when I get the waistpouch. Then going all out to search for a pencil case. Should I get the one at leather ark $14 or the converse one at $12.90, or the one at thirtyseven at $12.90? Haiz. Buying things destresses a person. So shuang.When I go out and work, sure spend like nuts. Super spendthrift.
Decided that after this journal of 2004, will be changing to a brand new journal of a different name, which will be kept for long time. Serene is right. Opening blogs every year don't make sense. I changed many journals and blogs before, because I don't want people to find my journals. People whom I don't want my journal to be known to.
Anyway yesterday, Pia Leong wear till very nice to Mr Hia's son's wedding. Wow. Look so shuai, tall dark handsome in that shirt of his. Lol, talking about guys again, he has this blog address, later he read le get too big-headed. But the comments is true lah. haa.
Why my hp don't have the nice chime ringtone for sms? I am jealous of that of samsung phones. Other than that, I still will love my phone. Especially now there's a dog on it. =)
Yeah! Portugal against Greece. I will vote POrtugal to win! Greece have come a bit too far with that skills of theirs. But I read the new paper, I think that their way of playing football is the true spirit of what every sports team or ther teams should have, team spirit and true friendship. Even so, I still think POrtugal should win with that excellent goalkeeper of theirs. But I will still love Casilles as the best goalkeeper. Haha. I always support Spain, and in World Cup, add Brazil in. England, wahaha, well. (haha CE)
I wanna change my backpack too, but haven' spoil. Ain't I materialistic. Any guy who marries me is going to have a hard time, I am such a spendthrift. CUTE DOGGIE. Wished I could offer it a bone to chew on.hee.
Just now was itchy to buy COnverse pencil case also, luckily I have no money. Or else I will be munching bread for the next 2 weeks. Then saw a converse pouch, that was nice looking, had cushion at the back, and much bigger than the deuter one I saw. I was so tempted to switch my choice of pouch to that one, as it's my favourite blue color. But I went over to deuter's side, with the lifetime guarantee thing, and though it's smaller, girls should not bring too big pouches, and deuter's one is more comfortable cushion. I am again decided that the deuter one is better.
Felt better, not so sad, cos' didn't go out with SJ people so no need to talk about my unhappiness. IMportance of social life outside SJ. Yest Loong asked me whether I was staying on. I just said I dunno. Haha, more and more things points to me that I shouldn't, why is this happening when I have to make a choice? Why last year don't have such a feeling? Don't know, maybe it's Fate calling for me to get out. I don't work well with these new batches of people, whether is it Yr1s, or izzit the incoming Yr1s. Perhaps it's time for me to leave. Still thinking hard. Still 5 more months to decide. Take it slowly manz.
Cute doggie. Smile all my troubles away. Gotta start saving to make myself happy when I get the waistpouch. Then going all out to search for a pencil case. Should I get the one at leather ark $14 or the converse one at $12.90, or the one at thirtyseven at $12.90? Haiz. Buying things destresses a person. So shuang.When I go out and work, sure spend like nuts. Super spendthrift.
Decided that after this journal of 2004, will be changing to a brand new journal of a different name, which will be kept for long time. Serene is right. Opening blogs every year don't make sense. I changed many journals and blogs before, because I don't want people to find my journals. People whom I don't want my journal to be known to.
Anyway yesterday, Pia Leong wear till very nice to Mr Hia's son's wedding. Wow. Look so shuai, tall dark handsome in that shirt of his. Lol, talking about guys again, he has this blog address, later he read le get too big-headed. But the comments is true lah. haa.
Why my hp don't have the nice chime ringtone for sms? I am jealous of that of samsung phones. Other than that, I still will love my phone. Especially now there's a dog on it. =)
Yeah! Portugal against Greece. I will vote POrtugal to win! Greece have come a bit too far with that skills of theirs. But I read the new paper, I think that their way of playing football is the true spirit of what every sports team or ther teams should have, team spirit and true friendship. Even so, I still think POrtugal should win with that excellent goalkeeper of theirs. But I will still love Casilles as the best goalkeeper. Haha. I always support Spain, and in World Cup, add Brazil in. England, wahaha, well. (haha CE)
I wanna change my backpack too, but haven' spoil. Ain't I materialistic. Any guy who marries me is going to have a hard time, I am such a spendthrift. CUTE DOGGIE. Wished I could offer it a bone to chew on.hee.
Sianz. Sianz. Sianz. qian yan wan yu jing zai bu yan zhong. I sux.
Hate me bah. So many people buay song me. I am used to it. I have learned to live alone. Since whatever I do simply irritate people, I think doing much is a stupid thing. I shall sit back relax, enjoy and let the project flop. Because I sux.
Everything I say seems to be wronging others. I sux. How many a time did I say things right? Since it's the case, I shall keep my mouth shut. Sit back and enjoy what they have to present. Since it's because too little time has been given.
I am another stupid fool. Why should I waste my time in the midst of CTs thinking of people who don't give a damn. I should learn to be more selfish, after all, all Man are selfish.
I am going to go out and enjoy myself now, with people who knows how to appreciate me. And I am not going to give a damn, since no one does. And my presence is just darn irritating.
Hate me bah. So many people buay song me. I am used to it. I have learned to live alone. Since whatever I do simply irritate people, I think doing much is a stupid thing. I shall sit back relax, enjoy and let the project flop. Because I sux.
Everything I say seems to be wronging others. I sux. How many a time did I say things right? Since it's the case, I shall keep my mouth shut. Sit back and enjoy what they have to present. Since it's because too little time has been given.
I am another stupid fool. Why should I waste my time in the midst of CTs thinking of people who don't give a damn. I should learn to be more selfish, after all, all Man are selfish.
I am going to go out and enjoy myself now, with people who knows how to appreciate me. And I am not going to give a damn, since no one does. And my presence is just darn irritating.
Friday, July 02, 2004
What Planet Are You From?
this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim
You're Jurassic Park!
by Michael Crichton
You combine all the elements of a mad scientist, a brash philosopher,
a humble researcher, and a money-hungry attracter of tourists. With all these features,
you could build something monumental or get chased around by your own demons. Probably
both, in fact. A movie based on your life would make millions, and spawn at least two
sequels thatwouldn't be very good. Be very careful around islands.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
You're Sudan!
Every time you get a headache, you reach for some aspirin, only to
realize that someone destroyed it. That's just how things are going for you right
now... it's hard to eat, hard to sleep, hard to not have a headache. You try to
relax, but people always jump on you about something that doesn't make sense. If
you were a goat, you'd be a Nubian.
Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid
Haha, fish these 2 new quizes sounds crap. Jurassic Park? Sudan? Sounds interesting enough. LOL. Very lame.
Hiyo,
Today is a slacko day. It's just the start of the day, but it will be a slacko day. You will never believe how slacko the day past till now. Watching "The Royal Monk" so cute. Then slacking on my bed. Later going to play pool. The show is on again. Seeyaz!
Salene
Live With A Positive Attitude.
Today is a slacko day. It's just the start of the day, but it will be a slacko day. You will never believe how slacko the day past till now. Watching "The Royal Monk" so cute. Then slacking on my bed. Later going to play pool. The show is on again. Seeyaz!
Salene
Live With A Positive Attitude.
I am itching to play pool. So bad is the itch that I asked CW play with me, then when I failed I asked my 3rd brother go out play with me. Almost asked CE out too. Results of stress. Ultimate stress. Extreme Stress. I even forgo the thought of going down to dhs for SJ celebration. Has leisure taken over the importance of SJ in my heart? Have SJ sinked so low in ranks? Or is it just post exam syndrome? I don't know. Maybe I will get the answer at the end of the year. Whether SJ is worth so much to make me stay for it? That day went out with XK, he was like super shocked when I said most probably will be signing on still. "Wah no life arh you!" As usual the same speech bubble pops out next to him everytime this topic is touched on. Haha.
Sort of thinking what post I will get. Confirm is advisor. I am 90% sure. The other 10% is zuo bo za bo. Which is much more unlikely than advisor. Haiz. The thought puts me off. I have failed to advise, flopped in my mission, and worse still, the mission became against me. I have failed in the area of advising, failed terribly. Even when the mission is against me, people still try to coax me into believing that it is not, that all that I thought was just but a fleeting cloud. But this cloud covered part of the sky that was darker, making the sky look brighter with shades of white. But all these is just an illusion. When the wind blows, the cloud floats away from that spot of the sky, and finally, people get to see the dark patch of sky behind the cloud. What I see now is reality, yet I actually refused to believe that the sky is imperfect, that it has this patch of black. I have been deceiving myself all these while. I am a failure at advising, the greatest flop ever. I have lost the confidence. I have lost the courage. I have lost, the will to advise.
Real tired tonight. Should I watch the match? Talk about it later. I shall go take a nap. If heaven wants me to watch it, I will wake up at 2.30a.m. Fate shall decide.
Sort of thinking what post I will get. Confirm is advisor. I am 90% sure. The other 10% is zuo bo za bo. Which is much more unlikely than advisor. Haiz. The thought puts me off. I have failed to advise, flopped in my mission, and worse still, the mission became against me. I have failed in the area of advising, failed terribly. Even when the mission is against me, people still try to coax me into believing that it is not, that all that I thought was just but a fleeting cloud. But this cloud covered part of the sky that was darker, making the sky look brighter with shades of white. But all these is just an illusion. When the wind blows, the cloud floats away from that spot of the sky, and finally, people get to see the dark patch of sky behind the cloud. What I see now is reality, yet I actually refused to believe that the sky is imperfect, that it has this patch of black. I have been deceiving myself all these while. I am a failure at advising, the greatest flop ever. I have lost the confidence. I have lost the courage. I have lost, the will to advise.
Real tired tonight. Should I watch the match? Talk about it later. I shall go take a nap. If heaven wants me to watch it, I will wake up at 2.30a.m. Fate shall decide.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Yup my nick says it all. I am going nuts.
Wow. How do you feel when you start doing your fmath paper, halfway through the 1st question, you get stuck, stare at the paper for 5-10 minutes without doing a thing, and then carry on to find out the next question is something you didn't study for? After looking and doing through the whole paper, you realise you have 1 hour left and starts looking around to see everyone scribbling busily, and your paper is not even half completed? What about scribbling for 2 minutes, the answer looks not right, decide to switch to method B, then the answer don't look good, try method a again, think method b better, try it, 3/4 through the answer, realised that method a should be the right method? You then start to repeat method a for the 4th time with a heavy heart, because you don't know whether it's the right way. And after all this analysis, you finally found your answer, only to have spent 25 minutes on this integration question? And cancelled 1 whole page worth of solutions? If you have not, I tell you, it's a heart wrenching experience, even more exciting than a roller coaster ride. You won't get heart attack, your pulse just suddenly disappears and your heart stopped beating. And perhaps start banging your ribs after a few seconds. It just comes and go...
Then you suddenly start to think in the middle of exams, "Have you made the right choice on choosing to keep this subject? Seems like you are an idiot at it." And every time this feeling rises in your stomach, after churning the feeling inside with gastric juice, then you finally drink a thought down your oesophagus to wash away the feeling, "You have made the right choice, because this is part of your strength, not your weakness. Practice makes perfect."
Memory is really bad. Is it because I don't have enough DHA input as a child? Or is it in the genes? Or my brain memory full? (phone message memory full =P) Should I start eating stuff that promotes brain growth or something? But I am adult le. Fully developed brain.
Told you I am nuts. If you are not one for reading crap, better resign from this page.
I need leisure! I need play! I am itching to play pool! I need to throw away all my work and play for a week. I am so so so stressed out by exams. Waddahell, I never ever study so much since o's. I am almost going nuts. Or I already is.
Haiz cannot. Got POP. I am damn heartbroken throughout my exams. Cos' JY come tell me looks like Std4s never start prep for POP, seems like they don't give a damn. Still got people complain that drill rehearsal shouldn't be on friday, cos' sat got mock exams. But they themselves suggested it in the first place, or rather, Chee Hoe suggested it. And they must understand that it's the last 2 weeks to POP, they have to practise. But they don't seem to give a damn. They don't have a feeling to make this day the important day of their life, they dun want to make effort. They will regret, just like I did. I never remembered stuff about my POP. Haiz. When will they unite? Is it so impossible to unite? Because there will always be selfish people around? I don't know.
Financial problems! Realised other than needing to go out this Sunday, still need to have lunch with NA on Saturday. How? I don't print notes. Sianz. I hate, HATE touching my savings. Maybe time to slim down a little after the glutton I became during exam period. Haha.
That's all for now. Maybe will blog more later.
Wow. How do you feel when you start doing your fmath paper, halfway through the 1st question, you get stuck, stare at the paper for 5-10 minutes without doing a thing, and then carry on to find out the next question is something you didn't study for? After looking and doing through the whole paper, you realise you have 1 hour left and starts looking around to see everyone scribbling busily, and your paper is not even half completed? What about scribbling for 2 minutes, the answer looks not right, decide to switch to method B, then the answer don't look good, try method a again, think method b better, try it, 3/4 through the answer, realised that method a should be the right method? You then start to repeat method a for the 4th time with a heavy heart, because you don't know whether it's the right way. And after all this analysis, you finally found your answer, only to have spent 25 minutes on this integration question? And cancelled 1 whole page worth of solutions? If you have not, I tell you, it's a heart wrenching experience, even more exciting than a roller coaster ride. You won't get heart attack, your pulse just suddenly disappears and your heart stopped beating. And perhaps start banging your ribs after a few seconds. It just comes and go...
Then you suddenly start to think in the middle of exams, "Have you made the right choice on choosing to keep this subject? Seems like you are an idiot at it." And every time this feeling rises in your stomach, after churning the feeling inside with gastric juice, then you finally drink a thought down your oesophagus to wash away the feeling, "You have made the right choice, because this is part of your strength, not your weakness. Practice makes perfect."
Memory is really bad. Is it because I don't have enough DHA input as a child? Or is it in the genes? Or my brain memory full? (phone message memory full =P) Should I start eating stuff that promotes brain growth or something? But I am adult le. Fully developed brain.
Told you I am nuts. If you are not one for reading crap, better resign from this page.
I need leisure! I need play! I am itching to play pool! I need to throw away all my work and play for a week. I am so so so stressed out by exams. Waddahell, I never ever study so much since o's. I am almost going nuts. Or I already is.
Haiz cannot. Got POP. I am damn heartbroken throughout my exams. Cos' JY come tell me looks like Std4s never start prep for POP, seems like they don't give a damn. Still got people complain that drill rehearsal shouldn't be on friday, cos' sat got mock exams. But they themselves suggested it in the first place, or rather, Chee Hoe suggested it. And they must understand that it's the last 2 weeks to POP, they have to practise. But they don't seem to give a damn. They don't have a feeling to make this day the important day of their life, they dun want to make effort. They will regret, just like I did. I never remembered stuff about my POP. Haiz. When will they unite? Is it so impossible to unite? Because there will always be selfish people around? I don't know.
Financial problems! Realised other than needing to go out this Sunday, still need to have lunch with NA on Saturday. How? I don't print notes. Sianz. I hate, HATE touching my savings. Maybe time to slim down a little after the glutton I became during exam period. Haha.
That's all for now. Maybe will blog more later.