= LifE Of a GaL =

Haiz. I didn't come online yesterday, which is a miracle.

Went to attend Xian Liang's wake. Never attended one for Christian one before, I guess it's better and more meaningful than the ones I attended. It's so sadz... As friends of his narrated parts of his life, I am touched by how changed a person he became. Many people knew him, he changed from a person who is very violent to a very caring person. I listened to the things he did, and wondered if I had did it all. I have no idea is it God that changed him, but whatever the source is, he changed for the good, and this bad thing has to happen to him.

Though God did not cure him, he alleviated his pain. I pray that he will be happy in Heaven with no pain and perhaps watch over the people he loved and the people that loved him. I am not close to him, but I believe that his spirit is still alive, living in the hearts of his relatives and friends.

I will always remember him as a great example of care and concern for others.

It triggered me thinking, this type of unselfish love, not seeking recognition, is so great. I was really wondering did I do it all? Or do I possess this unselfishness? I was pondering and reflecting, thinking that I am quite selfish these 2 years. Which is not very good. Not seeking recognition? I thought many things I did tried to seek recognition. Which is even worse. I was wondering then is this journal here good? Because I started to realise that there are too many people who had access to it, and my thoughts are no longer as private as I want them to be. Of course all who had my address I didn't mind them reading 'my thoughts', but sometimes I think I do boast and say things that are very.... attention attracting? Which is rather bad on the self and bad. Just bad, dunno how to describe.

I think I will be closing this blog soon, nearing the year end, perhaps sooner. Or continue this blog as a sort of public one, and keep a real private one with only my very best friends who have access to it. I sort of missed my past journal, which is so private, with almost nobody in the hell reading it, and it was just a 'dustbin' for me to throw my depression in, and I can have freedom of speech.

I dunno. Triggered thoughts that float past my mind. May Xian Liang rest in peace.